Egyptian Gumbo

This post is for all of those brothers and sisters who are thinking about approaching someone for marriage.Take heed from this post. Do everything differently from what these guys did.

I was thinking about the typical harassment in Egypt and wondering how guys keep trying over and over again to use the same pick up lines with no avail. And I started wondering out of how many times they harass a girl, how many actually amount to anything more than a girl hitting the guy with her purse. “Hmm…,” I wondered.  I also was curious if at any point in time it resulted in the harasser marrying the harassed.

That led me to think about bad marriage proposals, but I thought it’d make for a good post.

I asked a couple of friends to share any stories they may have about them or someone they know. I’ll list a couple here, but I’d be very interested in hearing stories from the rest of you in the comments section.

——————————————————————————-

1. “The Choo Choo” sister.

A friend of mine told me this story of a brother who was interested in his friend’s sister. He convinced his friend to let him “observe” the sister in her natural surroundings by letting him hide behind a door in his house. The interested brother hid, while his friend sat down and called his sister to make him some tea.

The girl went into the kitchen made the tea, and as she was coming with the tea she started to head towards her brother making ‘train noises.’ “Chooo choooo,” the sister came howled as she came toward her brother.

By this time both the interested brother and his friend were trying as hard as they could not to laugh. As soon as the girl left the room, they busted out laughing.

If i were that sister I would have killed my brother, if I had one.

2. The Bollywood Big Shot

A friend of mine related this story to me:

“Thankfully, my parents never put me in a rishta-like situation after the first one went disastrous:

My mom was being super nice to me, and so my sister and I got really suspicious –my mom’s generally a sweet and jolly lady, mashaAllah, but it was a little off this time. Anyway, next thing we know some limo pulls up in front of our house and it’s this dude my dad knows - guy doesn’t even drive it on a regular basis. So after laughing till our sides ached (who pulls up in a limo?! just for the getting-to-know and check-the-larhki-out?!), we snook out of the house, hopped into my sister’s car and didn’t come home till late in the evening when we were sure mr.im-oh-so-impressive would be gone. so aside from the bummy look as totally not attractive, overdoing it on the bling-bling side is a bit of a throw-off (if not ridiculous), too

4. The Playing Hoops Brother.

There was a brother who went to go propose to a sister. When he came to meet the parents, not only was he extremely nervous as he was sweating like crazy, but he looked like he just came back from playing basketball because he had jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes on. Not only that, he had the nerve to be “In a rush because he had to go somewhere.”

Needless to say, the answer was no.

5. The Single Guy in New York.

A brother approached a sister but wanting to get married ASAP, meaning like two weeks from when he started emailing her. The sister was in no rush and likewise couldn’t move in with the brother even if she wanted because she lived far and had to finish college. She was to be done in only a year. He told her that a year was wayyyy too long and that he’s a single guy living in New York. And although the girl was “Everything he would look for in a wife” he told her he didn’t want to come see her because if he liked her, he didn’t want to be  “stuck” in an engagement just in case he found someone who was willing to get married sooner.

So the brother told her that if in another year he doesn’t find someone, he’ll come back. (!!!!!!!!) Not only did the sister laugh really hard and sent him an email telling him he’s got to be kidding (not to even bother),  the sister also gave him naseeha telling him not to ever tell another sister something like that, or else he’ll have a hard time getting married.

————————————————————————–

Brothers, if you want to propose to a sister, please don’t do what these guys did. I want to hear all your stories if you have any that happened to you or a friend of yours. Please don’t put any names. Enjoy

1. Pretty Much it’s Going to be Hot Everywhere:

2. Sandcastles

3. 911 Call from 4-year-old Kid:

4. Crouching Tiger Hidden Kitten:

5. Very Long Snake:

The follow are just some of the observations I’ve made over the years, and I think it’ll be a great preparation for those who have yet to visit Egypt :). I think you guys who come to Masr regularly will agree:

1. “Is this Halal or Haram?”

Anyone who asks a fiqh question will start off by saying “I heard so and so…” and then follow it up with “Is this halal or is it haram?”

It could be the most indepth question, but in the end “howa dah halal wala haram?”

2. Everyone is a “scholar” on T.V.

Believe it or not most Egyptians enjoy watching religious programming on T.V. Usually the people will call in the show, ask their “Is this halal or haram” question and you will have the sheiookh answer the question. The problem? The problem lies when there are TOO many of these shows on, and a VARIETY of different views and the people at home watching listen attentively for the rulings and make up their mind by the random sheikh or sheikha on T.V.

3. If you see graffiti you have to remember Allah.

The weirdest thing about graffiti on the walls in Egypt is that most of them are deen reminders. So you’ll see things spray painted on walls that say “Ithkur Allah- remember Allah” or you’ll see “La illaha il Allah” and anything else that if you read and repeat will give you good deeds. Someone should tell them that spray painting good things on other people’s property doesn’t make it right.

(Allahu Akbar spray-painted on thing construction site thingy in Alexandria)

4. There is always urine, stool, vomit or spit on any street or sidewalk.

It’s bad enough when you actually catch a hobo do it in public and you run away from disturbance. But when you’re randomly taking your walks on the beach (cournaish) and you can’t enjoy the scenery of the ocean because you have to look to where you are walking for fear of stepping on something disgusting… it’s a problem.

(Believe it or not i ACTUALLY had a picture for this, but decided to be kind to my readers and not post it up. Haha.)

5. There is always just this “one sheikh of al-Azhar”

Anytime you try to tell someone the evidence behind why something is wrong, they will always reply, “But the sheikh of al-Azhar said so and so.” If you ask them the name of that “one sheikh” they can never tell you.

6. You will always see sunflower seeds or any other type of seeds on the ground.

It doesn’t matter where you are. You know you’re in Egypt when there is “lib” all over the streets.

7. Every man in Egypt has the same B.O. smell.

One of the first signs you’re in Egypt is when you step off the plane and smell that wonderful Egyptian B.O.

I’m guessing because everyone pretty much eats “fool and taymiyyah” every day that’s why their sweat all smells the same. InshaAllah one of my goals is to raise national awareness of deodorant here in Masr… put my PR skills to work.

8. The masajid can be normal buildings but the minaret has to be absolutely beautiful.

MashaAllah one of the most amazing things to look at is the skyline. Because towering above all the buildings are the minarets of the masajid. But when you look at the masjid itself, most of the times it’s just a normal building. Pretty cool.

9. Some of the best Quran reciters are here.

There are too many amazing voices here to count. MashaAllah, if you want to pray in jamma3ah you can be assured that at least one of the masajid on your street has an amazing qari.

10. Honk if you feel like it.

Everyone who drives in Egypt honks for no reason. If you’re stuck in traffic, people will honk and hold for 10 seconds and think that that will actually make a difference in the cars moving.

Someone once told me that honking in Egypt in like a language, you can say “sabah el-khair (good morning)” and “Go to hell” all by honking. Haha.

11. One person per square inch.

Especially in summer time, Egypt is CROWDED. Whether you are in Cairo or Alexandria get ready to see oceans of people who apparently never go to sleep. My cousin’s friend’s mom, came to visit them in Alexandria during Eid (she happened to be Palestinian). Her reaction to the crowd of people in the streets was, “Yowm Al-Hashr… Egyptians are ready.”

12. Every taxi is unique.

Taxi drivers LOVE to decorate their taxis to be differentiated from all the rest. You will see everything from skulls, girly stuffed bears, to lights and stickers all over the place. But one thing in common, is that a taxi will ALWAYS have something funny written on it (mostly things you can make fun of.)

Yesterday, I saw a bumper sticker that stated: “Of course I don’t have cash, I’m MARRIED.”

13. They’re not trying to commit suicide, they are just crossing the street.

Sometime I wonder if some of the people crossing the crazy streets here are TRYING to commit suicide. My heart drops every time a person does a James Bond move and crosses in front of our car. Sad thing is, they are really ABOUT to get hit! It’s not some thing that you have to get used to… it’s just that they are really about to die.

I will post pictures and videos soon, inshaAllah.

I thought this was really cute. Jim Henson (Kermit) is trying so hard not to laugh.

*If you liked this post, be sure to stumble it*