Archive for June, 2008


Some Muslim Women Create “Illusion” of Virginity

Bismillah,

I thought for a while before I decided to write this post as this topic goes way out of my comfort zone. I stumbled upon an article written in the International Herald Tribune, which quite frankly shocked me, disgusted me and confused me all at the same time. So here’s the article, then I’ll give my comments below that:

**If you like the post, go ahead and Stumble it**

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For Muslim women in Europe, a medical road back to virginity

 

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

PARIS: The surgery in the private clinic off the Champs-Élysées involved one semicircular cut, 10 self-dissolving stitches and a discounted fee of $2,900.

But for the patient, a 23-year-old French student of Moroccan descent from Montpellier, the 30-minute procedure represented the key to a new life: the illusion of virginity.

Like an increasing number of other Muslim women in Europe, she had a “hymenoplasty,” a restoration of her hymen, the thin vaginal membrane that normally breaks during the first act of intercourse.

“In my culture, not to be a virgin is to be dirt,” said the student, perched on a hospital bed as she awaited surgery Thursday. “Right now, virginity is more important to me than life.”

As Europe’s Muslim population grows, many young Muslim women find themselves caught between the freedoms that European society affords and the deep-rooted traditions of their parents’ and grandparents’ generations.

Gynecologists report that in the past few years, more Muslim women are asking for certificates of virginity before marriage.

That trend in turn has created a demand among cosmetic surgeons for hymen replacements, which, if done properly, they say, will not be detected and will produce tell-tale vaginal bleeding on the wedding night. The service is widely advertised on the Internet; there are medical tourism packages to countries like Tunisia where the procedure is less expensive.

“If you’re a Muslim woman growing up in more open societies in Europe, you can easily end up having sex before marriage,” said Hicham Mouallem, a doctor in London who performs the surgery. “So if you’re looking to marry a Muslim and don’t want to have problems, you’ll try to recapture your virginity.”

There are no reliable statistics on how many women undergo the procedure because it is mostly done in private clinics and in most cases is not covered by tax-financed insurance plans.

But the subject of hymen repair is becoming so talked about that it has become the subject of a film comedy that opens in Italy this week. “Women’s Hearts,” as its title is translated in English, tells the story of a Moroccan-born woman living in Italy who takes a road trip to Casablanca for the operation.

“We realized that what we thought was a sporadic practice was actually pretty common,” said Davide Sordella, the director. “These women can live in Italy, adopt our mentality and wear jeans. But in the moments that matter, they don’t always have the strength to go against their culture.”

The issue has been particularly charged in France, where there has been a renewed and fierce debate about a prejudice that was supposed to have been buried with the country’s sexual revolution 40 years ago: the importance of a woman’s virginity.

The furor followed the revelation two weeks ago that a court in the northern city of Lille had annulled the 2006 marriage of two French Muslims after the groom discovered his bride was not the virgin she had claimed to be.

The domestic saga has gripped the nation. The bridegroom, an unidentified engineer in his 30s, left the nuptial bed and announced to the still-partying wedding guests that his bride had lied about her past. She was delivered that night to her parents’ doorstep.

The next day, he asked a lawyer to annul the marriage. The bride, then a nursing student in her 20s, confessed the truth to the court and agreed to an annulment.

In its ruling, there was no mention of religion. Rather, it cited breach of contract, concluding that he had married her after “she was presented to him as single and chaste.”

In secular, republican France, the case touches on several sensitive subjects: the intrusion of religion into daily life, the grounds for dissolution of a marriage and the equality of the sexes.

There were calls in Parliament this week for the resignation of Rachida Dati, the minister of justice, after she upheld the ruling. Dati, who is a Muslim, backed down and ordered an appeal.

Some feminists, lawyers and doctors warned that the court’s acceptance of the centrality of virginity in marriage would encourage more French women from Arab and African Muslim backgrounds to have their hymens rebuilt. But there is much debate over whether the procedure is an act of liberation or repression.

“The judgment was a betrayal of France’s Muslim women,” said Elizabeth Badinter, a feminist writer. “It sends these women a message of despair by saying that virginity is important in the eyes of the law. More women are going to say to themselves: ‘My God, I’m not going to take that risk. I’ll recreate my virginity.”‘

The plight of the rejected bride persuaded the Montpellier student to go ahead with the surgery.

She insisted that she had never had intercourse and said that she had discovered her hymen was torn only when she tried to obtain a certificate of virginity to present to her boyfriend and his family.

She said she had bled after an accident on a horse when she was 10.

The trauma of realizing that she could not prove her virginity was so intense, she said, that she quietly took out a loan to pay for the procedure.

“All of a sudden, virginity is important in France,” she said. “I realized that I could be seen like that woman everyone is talking about on television.”

Surgeons who perform the procedure said they were empowering their patients by giving them a viable future and preventing them from being abused – or even killed – by their fathers or brothers.

“Who am I to judge?” asked Marc Abecassis, the plastic surgeon who restored the Montpellier student’s hymen. “I have colleagues in the United States whose patients do this as a Valentine’s present to their husbands. What I do is different. This is not for amusement. My patients don’t have a choice if they want to find serenity – and husbands.”

A specialist in what he calls “intimate” surgery, including penile enhancement, Abecassis says he performs two to four hymen restorations a week.

The French College of Gynecologists and Obstetricians opposes the hymen procedure on moral, cultural and health grounds.

“We had a revolution in France to win equality; we had a sexual revolution in 1968 when women fought for contraception and abortion,” said Jacques Lansac, the association’s president. “Attaching so much importance to the hymen is regression, submission to the intolerance of the past.”

But the stories of the women who have had the surgery capture the complexity and raw emotion behind their decision.

One 32-year-old Macedonian-born Muslim said that she had chosen the surgery to avoid being punished by her father after her relationship with her boyfriend of eight years ended.

“I was afraid that my father would take me to a doctor and see whether I was still a virgin,” said the woman, who owns a small business and lives on her own in Frankfurt. “He told me, ‘I will forgive everything, but not if you have thrown dirt on my honor.’ I wasn’t afraid he would kill me, but I was sure he would have beaten me.”

In other cases, the woman and her partner together decide on the surgery. A 26-year-old French woman of Moroccan descent said she lost her virginity four years ago when she fell in love with the man she was now planning to marry. She and her fiancé decided to share the cost of her $3,400 hymen replacement surgery in Paris.

His extended family in Morocco is very conservative, she said, and required that a gynecologist – and family friend – in Morocco examine her for proof of virginity before their wedding.

“It doesn’t matter for my fiancé that I am not a virgin, but it would pose a huge problem for his family,” she said. “They know that you can pour blood on the sheets on the wedding night, so I have to have better proof.”

Meanwhile, the lives of the young French couple whose marriage was annulled are on hold. The Justice Ministry has asked the Lille prosecutor for an appeal, arguing that the court decision “provoked a heated social debate” that “touched all citizens of our country and especially women.” At the Islamic Center of Roubaix, the suburb of Lille where the marriage took place, there is sympathy for the woman.

“The man is the biggest of all the donkeys,” said Abdelkibir Errami, the center’s vice president. “Even if the woman was no longer a virgin, he had no right to expose her honor. This is not what Islam teaches. It teaches forgiveness.”

Katrin Bennhold contributed reporting from Paris and Elisabetta Povoledo contributed from Rome.

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When I first read this article, I was pretty disgusted. First, I found it interesting from a journalistic perspective the authors didn’t even bother to go into detail of what is the Islamic stance on such issues — whether it be on the procedure itself or even just the Islamic view of illegal sexual intercourse. It was all this talk about feminism and how some Europeans think that it’s oppressive to Muslim women because they are somehow “backward” in thinking that their virginity is important. The whole article was written in respect of culture; not religion.

I’m not even sure how to feel about this if the woman is truly repentant and wants to hide her sin from everyone — at least she repented before Allah. Likewise, I can understand doing a procedure like this in cases of rape.

And for anyone who read the article and is wondering the Islamic view on the issue go ahead and read the detailed fatwah on Islam QA:

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/844

Another part of this article that shocked me is this notion of having a “certificate of virginity” — seriously? Like are you really serious? That’s when you know society is corrupt, when your word and assuming the best of the girl is no longer acceptable. That a girl has to go to the doctor before the marriage is done and get this “certificate.” I don’t know about the girl but I think I’d be pretty offended if someone told me I have to go to the doctor and give the family proof.

And to the guy’s family, if you really are unsure about the girl then:

1. You should assume the best

2. If her character gives you doubts, isn’t that a SIGN?

Everything about this article shocked me, from the “Valentines Day gift” to the MAN who performs this surgery three or four times a week.

WAllahul musta’an. This is scary to think that this is the state of Muslims today. May Allah protect us from his wrath. Ameen.

Wallahu alem.

 



New Quran Recitation Video: Salman Al-Utaybi

Bismillah,

I put this together in like 20 min or less (Windows Movie Maker is great when you’re on the run.) This recitation is beautiful. If you like it pass it on, stumble, etc. so others will have their iman risen as well, inshaAllah.

This is from Surat Al-Ahzaab by Sheikh Salman Al-Utaybi. I included the interpretation of the meaning (translation) after surat Al-Fatiha. May Allah accept this for His sake.

Keep me in your dua, inshaAllah:



Pshh, C’mon…You Know It’s True — Part 1

“You Know it’s True,” is a new series I’m starting. It’s basically everything that everyone notices but no one ever talkmasjid.jpgs about… until now.

This “You Know it’s True” post is about: The Masjid.

1. Brothers wish the sisters in the masjid would stay quiet. Women talk to much.

2. Mama, if your child is crying during salah, it’s OK to pick the baby up– please, prevent the distractions if you can. You can tell when most of us are annoyed after salah, because as soon as we do our tasleem it’s all eyes on baby… and mama.

3. We all want people to stop stepping on our feet. When we’re in line in salah, please stop stepping on my feet. And when I move my foot away, for some reason you feel the need step on it again. There is a reason I moved it away!

4. Sisters, you too, are not supposed to talk during the Jummah Khutbah– and yes that includes the time when people stand up for salah — not a time for chitty-chatty.

5. Sisters again, please don’t enter the masalah if you cannot pray. Sitting down and listening to the lecture in the masalah area and then going outside when salah starts is still wrong.

6. The masjid is usually completely separated until it comes to parking lot time. And while there is no interaction between the sexes (for the most part) everyone is standing outside searching for their spouses or future spouses. Stop guys, just stop.

7. Most of us cringe when we find someone that comes to the masjid interested in Islam and when we ask, “What got you interested?” The girl responds, “Oh my boyfriend is a Muslim.” Brothers, if you have a girlfriend and bring her to Islam, we’ll find out who you are through her randomly telling us your name. So no matter how secretive you are about it, she’ll accidentally expose you. Trust me, happens all the time. Her sins will be erased and you in turn, are in troubllleee.

8. There’s always this one sister or brother you really hope you don’t end up standing next to in salah. You love them, but they just distract you in prayer with either their swaying, their whispers or their attachment to your hip.

9. The line does not start at the very right of the masjid — unless the imam is standing there. Please stop trying to drag us away from our ajr. The line starts directly behind the imam, even for sisters. So stop pulling my clothes, please… you stretched them :( .

10. Every masjid has board problems. No matter where you are, your masjid has “politics.”

11. If you’re Egyptian, please stop reading the Quran in Egyptian dialect. If you’re desi, it’s “‘A’oothu,” not “‘A’oozu.”

12. Kids in the masjid are crazy no matter which masjid you go to.

13. Sisters, it’s kinda embarrassing when you cut off the speaker and yell really loudly from behind the divider or the 2nd floor “Excuse me, the sisters can’t hear!” Solution: get one of the crazy kids running around to tell someone on the brother’s side the problem.

14. There is always a car illegally parked outside.

15. There always has to be a basketball net outside for brothers to play.

16. Some people’s socks are stanky, with a capital STANK.

17. Masjid bathrooms are like public bathrooms (unfortunately.)

18. No one wants to hear that Arab song or techno in the Masjid. No matter how many times the imam reminds people to “turn off cell phones” a cell phone will always go off, and people will get mad.

19. There’s always someone that brings a prayer rug, even if the carpet is perfectly clean. Really guys, you don’t need a prayer rug.

20. There will always be sisters in every masjid who demand to have a place on the board.

You know it’s true.

I love the masjid.

Wallahu alem.