Bismillah,
I thought for a while before I decided to write this post as this topic goes way out of my comfort zone. I stumbled upon an article written in the International Herald Tribune, which quite frankly shocked me, disgusted me and confused me all at the same time. So here’s the article, then I’ll give my comments below that:
**If you like the post, go ahead and Stumble it**
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For Muslim women in Europe, a medical road back to virginity
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
PARIS: The surgery in the private clinic off the Champs-Élysées involved one semicircular cut, 10 self-dissolving stitches and a discounted fee of $2,900.
But for the patient, a 23-year-old French student of Moroccan descent from Montpellier, the 30-minute procedure represented the key to a new life: the illusion of virginity.
Like an increasing number of other Muslim women in Europe, she had a “hymenoplasty,” a restoration of her hymen, the thin vaginal membrane that normally breaks during the first act of intercourse.
“In my culture, not to be a virgin is to be dirt,” said the student, perched on a hospital bed as she awaited surgery Thursday. “Right now, virginity is more important to me than life.”
As Europe’s Muslim population grows, many young Muslim women find themselves caught between the freedoms that
European society affords and the deep-rooted traditions of their parents’ and grandparents’ generations.
Gynecologists report that in the past few years, more Muslim women are asking for certificates of virginity before marriage.
That trend in turn has created a demand among cosmetic surgeons for hymen replacements, which, if done properly, they say, will not be detected and will produce tell-tale vaginal bleeding on the wedding night. The service is widely advertised on the Internet; there are medical tourism packages to countries like Tunisia where the procedure is less expensive.
“If you’re a Muslim woman growing up in more open societies in Europe, you can easily end up having sex before marriage,” said Hicham Mouallem, a doctor in London who performs the surgery. “So if you’re looking to marry a Muslim and don’t want to have problems, you’ll try to recapture your virginity.”
There are no reliable statistics on how many women undergo the procedure because it is mostly done in private clinics and in most cases is not covered by tax-financed insurance plans.
But the subject of hymen repair is becoming so talked about that it has become the subject of a film comedy that opens in Italy this week. “Women’s Hearts,” as its title is translated in English, tells the story of a Moroccan-born woman living in Italy who takes a road trip to Casablanca for the operation.
“We realized that what we thought was a sporadic practice was actually pretty common,” said Davide Sordella, the director. “These women can live in Italy, adopt our mentality and wear jeans. But in the moments that matter, they don’t always have the strength to go against their culture.”
The issue has been particularly charged in France, where there has been a renewed and fierce debate about a prejudice that was supposed to have been buried with the country’s sexual revolution 40 years ago: the importance of a woman’s virginity.
The furor followed the revelation two weeks ago that a court in the northern city of Lille had annulled the 2006 marriage of two French Muslims after the groom discovered his bride was not the virgin she had claimed to be.
The domestic saga has gripped the nation. The bridegroom, an unidentified engineer in his 30s, left the nuptial bed and announced to the still-partying wedding guests that his bride had lied about her past. She was delivered that night to her parents’ doorstep.
The next day, he asked a lawyer to annul the marriage. The bride, then a nursing student in her 20s, confessed the truth to the court and agreed to an annulment.
In its ruling, there was no mention of religion. Rather, it cited breach of contract, concluding that he had married her after “she was presented to him as single and chaste.”
In secular, republican France, the case touches on several sensitive subjects: the intrusion of religion into daily life, the grounds for dissolution of a marriage and the equality of the sexes.
There were calls in Parliament this week for the resignation of Rachida Dati, the minister of justice, after she upheld the ruling. Dati, who is a Muslim, backed down and ordered an appeal.
Some feminists, lawyers and doctors warned that the court’s acceptance of the centrality of virginity in marriage would encourage more French women from Arab and African Muslim backgrounds to have their hymens rebuilt. But there is much debate over whether the procedure is an act of liberation or repression.
“The judgment was a betrayal of France’s Muslim women,” said Elizabeth Badinter, a feminist writer. “It sends these women a message of despair by saying that virginity is important in the eyes of the law. More women are going to say to themselves: ‘My God, I’m not going to take that risk. I’ll recreate my virginity.”‘
The plight of the rejected bride persuaded the Montpellier student to go ahead with the surgery.
She insisted that she had never had intercourse and said that she had discovered her hymen was torn only when she tried to obtain a certificate of virginity to present to her boyfriend and his family.
She said she had bled after an accident on a horse when she was 10.
The trauma of realizing that she could not prove her virginity was so intense, she said, that she quietly took out a loan to pay for the procedure.
“All of a sudden, virginity is important in France,” she said. “I realized that I could be seen like that woman everyone is talking about on television.”
Surgeons who perform the procedure said they were empowering their patients by giving them a viable future and preventing them from being abused - or even killed - by their fathers or brothers.
“Who am I to judge?” asked Marc Abecassis, the plastic surgeon who restored the Montpellier student’s hymen. “I have colleagues in the United States whose patients do this as a Valentine’s present to their husbands. What I do is different. This is not for amusement. My patients don’t have a choice if they want to find serenity - and husbands.”
A specialist in what he calls “intimate” surgery, including penile enhancement, Abecassis says he performs two to four hymen restorations a week.
The French College of Gynecologists and Obstetricians opposes the hymen procedure on moral, cultural and health grounds.
“We had a revolution in France to win equality; we had a sexual revolution in 1968 when women fought for contraception and abortion,” said Jacques Lansac, the association’s president. “Attaching so much importance to the hymen is regression, submission to the intolerance of the past.”
But the stories of the women who have had the surgery capture the complexity and raw emotion behind their decision.
One 32-year-old Macedonian-born Muslim said that she had chosen the surgery to avoid being punished by her father after her relationship with her boyfriend of eight years ended.
“I was afraid that my father would take me to a doctor and see whether I was still a virgin,” said the woman, who owns a small business and lives on her own in Frankfurt. “He told me, ‘I will forgive everything, but not if you have thrown dirt on my honor.’ I wasn’t afraid he would kill me, but I was sure he would have beaten me.”
In other cases, the woman and her partner together decide on the surgery. A 26-year-old French woman of Moroccan descent said she lost her virginity four years ago when she fell in love with the man she was now planning to marry. She and her fiancé decided to share the cost of her $3,400 hymen replacement surgery in Paris.
His extended family in Morocco is very conservative, she said, and required that a gynecologist - and family friend - in Morocco examine her for proof of virginity before their wedding.
“It doesn’t matter for my fiancé that I am not a virgin, but it would pose a huge problem for his family,” she said. “They know that you can pour blood on the sheets on the wedding night, so I have to have better proof.”
Meanwhile, the lives of the young French couple whose marriage was annulled are on hold. The Justice Ministry has asked the Lille prosecutor for an appeal, arguing that the court decision “provoked a heated social debate” that “touched all citizens of our country and especially women.” At the Islamic Center of Roubaix, the suburb of Lille where the marriage took place, there is sympathy for the woman.
“The man is the biggest of all the donkeys,” said Abdelkibir Errami, the center’s vice president. “Even if the woman was no longer a virgin, he had no right to expose her honor. This is not what Islam teaches. It teaches forgiveness.”
Katrin Bennhold contributed reporting from Paris and Elisabetta Povoledo contributed from Rome.
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When I first read this article, I was pretty disgusted. First, I found it interesting from a journalistic perspective the authors didn’t even bother to go into detail of what is the Islamic stance on such issues — whether it be on the procedure itself or even just the Islamic view of illegal sexual intercourse. It was all this talk about feminism and how some Europeans think that it’s oppressive to Muslim women because they are somehow “backward” in thinking that their virginity is important. The whole article was written in respect of culture; not religion.
I’m not even sure how to feel about this if the woman is truly repentant and wants to hide her sin from everyone — at least she repented before Allah. Likewise, I can understand doing a procedure like this in cases of rape.
And for anyone who read the article and is wondering the Islamic view on the issue go ahead and read the detailed fatwah on Islam QA:
Another part of this article that shocked me is this notion of having a “certificate of virginity” — seriously? Like are you really serious? That’s when you know society is corrupt, when your word and assuming the best of the girl is no longer acceptable. That a girl has to go to the doctor before the marriage is done and get this “certificate.” I don’t know about the girl but I think I’d be pretty offended if someone told me I have to go to the doctor and give the family proof.
And to the guy’s family, if you really are unsure about the girl then:
1. You should assume the best
2. If her character gives you doubts, isn’t that a SIGN?
Everything about this article shocked me, from the “Valentines Day gift” to the MAN who performs this surgery three or four times a week.
WAllahul musta’an. This is scary to think that this is the state of Muslims today. May Allah protect us from his wrath. Ameen.
Wallahu alem.
Stumble it!
June 11th, 2008 at 8:27 am
AHHHHH!!!!
It’s really shock me to see the state the UMMAH is now.
this “poor” girl just what are they thinking.
and the family they let their the son & daughter do what they want( having boy,girl-friend, drinking, they dont ask when they come home in the morning; and in the end they ask the girls to prove their virginity.( it’s really crazy )
and when you tell them go back to the teaching of ISLAM; go back being a GOOD MUSLIM; they tell you leave as alone.
June 11th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I don’t think it’s sunnah or Islamic to test to see if the Muslim wife to be is a virgin or not. You simply marry her.
This seems to be a jahil type of mentality.
June 11th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
I agree with what you both say
I think this problem partially has to do with the backwards mentality that 0 generation Muslims have on their kids…
Our parents generation, the one that migrated from overseas to here and had us ruined so much by inculcating in some of our minds ideas like nationalism, racism, etc.
This is just another one of the many problems they caused, by making marriage so hard for their kids…they have to resort to the haram to satisfy their urges, which sometimes, they really cant control…
If marriage was as simple as Islam really made it, and people really understood true Islam, we wouldn’t have this problem i think…people wouldnt have to resort to having boyfriends if given the option of marriage, with all its amazing benefits
Secondly, from a medial prospective, a woman’s hymen can break due to many reasons other than the loss of her virginity…(I really dont wanna go into too many details…)…so to have tests like that to “prove virginity” mean absolutely NOTHING to anyone who understands anything about medicine…
“The man is the biggest of all the donkeys,” said Abdelkibir Errami, the center’s vice president. “Even if the woman was no longer a virgin, he had no right to expose her honor. This is not what Islam teaches. It teaches forgiveness.” …
amazingly put…
Wallahu A3lam
June 11th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Omar Adil:
There is an art to dawah my friend…
No one ever changed their ways by people telling them “GO BACK TO ISLAM!”
June 11th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Assalamualaikum,
This is a common problem in many places even in USA and not just in Europe.
And the most ironic thing is what about men?
A personal example that I’ve faced dealing with the Muslim community…a sister MashAllah good ‘Aqeedah/Manhaj, one who prays, fasts, wears niqaab, etc, got married to a brother and Qadr Allah within a very short time she was tested positive with a type of STD…it was then discovered that her husband had it before he even got married!
And how can you get “virgin certificate” for men!
In Islam we don’t ask potential spouses what they did in their past lives because it is Haraam on us to dig behind people’s sins. However at the sametime Allah and His Messenger has given us certain guidelines on what type of person to marry. We have to try our best to fit that qualification ourselves and be sincere & patient in our search for the other half…
As for parents blocking the road to marriage and pressuring their kids to fall into zina. This is not totally correct.
Before blaming parents we should all remember that this mother of ours, by the Will of Allah…kept her in her womb for 9 months, fed us…we were part of her body! After being born she cared for us, nourished us, even cleaned our filth!…because we were completely helpless. There is no way anyone can ever repay their mothers!
Same with the father, the one who worked to bring food on our table…financially supported us through pretty much everything, by the Will of Allah.
Blaming parents is never the solution, and we should all as Muslims think twice before pointing the finger at our parents…
Allah says:
But if they (both parents) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do. [Luqmaan 31:15]
This verse gives the clear solution to all kids with “bad” parents.
Fine the parents don’t allow to marry, many times they are adamantly against their sons/daughter marrying before a certain age, without certain degrees, with a certain race, etc…Allah says “wa in jaahadaak and if they make Jihaad against you”. They are striving hard against you and preventing you from doing what is right according to Allah and His Messenger…did Allah say “fa in jaahidhum, so make jihaad against them too!” No! Simply said “falaa tuti’humaa, do not obey them”.
We don’t sit there and argue, attack, strive our best (Jihaad) against them! That is Haraam on us. Rather leave their company peacefully “wat tabi’ sabeela man anaaba ilayy, and follow the path of those who repent to Me”.
Find yourselves good Muslim friends, go to the Sheikh/Imam of the Masjid…those who follow Allah’s Path and stick with them, ask for their help.
I’ll give another example. This sister from highschool, comes to the Masjid classes regularly, hijaabi, etc was suffering a great deal and came to the Imam and said that she can’t resist anymore and needs to get married. This Imam the following Jumu’ah gave a khutbah on the importance of marriage and how youth should be helped by their parents to get married quickly and hoped that her parents who were sitting there would take heed. Well guess what happened? Qadr Allah the warning didn’t help the father and he refused saying his daughter is only 17. Allah has created us and it is Allah who has given us desires and yet Allah has given us means to protect ourselves and fulfill them in the best possible manner…
Sad to say this sister(hijaabi comes to Masjid classes) ended up commiting zina and after a few months was found out to be pregnant! Yes this is the critical situation of the Muslims today!
So now the father was furious, yes it’s his fault to a certain extent he didn’t help but later on the sister herself admitted that she would always yell, throw things around, etc at home when trying to explain to her parents the problem.
And I can give many more examples which will make us weep all night…
So please remember Allah didn’t say go attack your parents because if you do that, they will NEVER listen to you. Be good with them in worldly affairs, do not obey them if they force you to disobey Allah and seek help from those who follow Allah’s Path.
Maybe the sister can put up a post explaining the guidelines for what to look for in a potential spouse and how far can a daughter really go if she is not being helped by her parents. It’ll be a good reminder for everyone InshAllah…
Assalamualaikum
June 11th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Sr. Tawfeeq, Jazakyllahu Khayr
I really enjoyed reading your response
We have to respect our parents, yes…but when they tell us to do something that goes against the Islamic system of life, we have to disagree…of course, there is a nice way to do so
This problem is a huge one where I live, in NJ…parents just dont understand that their kids need to get married and put so many conditions on the suitor and so many obstacles that have no basis in Islam.
Respect our parents, yes, of course…
“So please remember Allah didn’t say go attack your parents because if you do that, they will NEVER listen to you.”
I know…thats the sad thing…i dont think they will ever change…no matter what happens
June 11th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
I’m sure it was a typo br.Ahmed but I’m not a sister (you wrote Sr.Tawfeeq)
I’m not too far from NJ, in the Philly area and such cases are from coast to coast…
But again it all comes down to how serious are you for marriage and what type of person are you trying to marry.
This is a Hadeeth found in the Sunans…one of the 3 types of people that Allah does refuse (i.e. the dua’a) is the one who wants to marry in order to stay away from zina.
and just for general knowledge the other 2 are a person in debt who wants to repay it and a slave who wants to buy his freedom…
This is a topic that in my opinion not many Masajid address their communities. Many times we find Imams who are puppets of the Masjid Administration. But Alhamdulillah there are still Masajid where the Imam still has the main voice and they allow him to speak/explain the Truth.
Marriage is a type of Jihaad these days, especially for the sisters…many of them MashAllah want to follow the Hadeeth reported in Tirmidhi and marry a brother who is righteous (the prophet said “saalih” so really he must be someone with belief/methodology that is praised by Allah & His Messenger) and with good character, but their parents (sometimes even their siblings) become a wall.
At the end of the day, thorough research must be done on her, her family and the potential brother…if everything is clean between them then it is her right to get what she rightfully deserves as permitted by Allah…but anyways as I said this is a lengthy topic where the rules & regulations, conditions, etc need to be clearly explained with evidence for all to understand and maybe we will be able to help a few of our youth out…
Assalamualaikum
June 11th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
‘Sr. Tawfeeq’ I’m almost certain Br Taufique is a brother.
I have to say Alhamdulillah it was a great reminder JazakAllahu khayran and what you have said is correct.
“So please remember Allah didn’t say go attack your parents because if you do that, they will NEVER listen to you.”
So true!
“I know…thats the sad thing…i don’t think they will ever change…no matter what happens”
I think they may change, if not one parent then the other and if not Qadr Allah, as long as you tried your best and done it in the most appropriate manner then insha’Allah you will be innocent in front of Allah swt.
NJ, has it got a large practicing young community? I think we should do something practical with this post, something that may help the brothers and sisters in this situation, i second Br Taufique’s idea regarding guidelines, it will be very beneficial. Insha’Allah.
Regarding the post, subhanAllah that is sad, may Allah Azza wa jall improve our condition.
Ameen
June 11th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
“This is a Hadeeth found in the Sunans…one of the 3 types of people that Allah does refuse (i.e. the dua’a) is the one who wants to marry in order to stay away from zina.
and just for general knowledge the other 2 are a person in debt who wants to repay it and a slave who wants to buy his freedom…”
Does or doesn’t refuse? and could you find the hadith, please?
June 11th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Br. Taufique,
If you write up the conditions and guidelines, then inshaAllah I will post it. You are far more knowledgeable and it would only be write to have you do it inshaAllah.
That’s a really sad story about the girl who got pregnant. It would be so easy to blame the father, but in the end everyone is accountable for their own actions and taking actions upon desires. May Allah forgive her, ameen.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Sorry typing mistake!
Allah does not refuse the dua’a from 3:
1) a man in debt
2) a slave wanting to buy his freedom
3) a man wanting to marry inorder to protect himself from zina.
Just becauase Allah said “a man” doesn’t mean it does not apply for women but I’m sure everyone understands this.
However, just want to point out there are other narrations in Ahmad & Tirmidhi (that’s where the hadeeth is) that say three are:
1) fasting person until he breaks his fast
2) Imam that is just
3) the oppressed person…
and in other narrations you will find “the traveler..parents asking for their child, etc” (all of the narrations that i just mentioned are in Ahmad & Tirmidhi, some are saheeh and others are hasan and some of the phrases can be found in Bukhari & Muslim as well)…
But anyways, the point is we take all the narrations and consider the entire list, which obviously is more than just 3 types of people. Alhamdulillah! The reason behind the Prophet (saws) mentioning different things at different times is because of the way he was questioned and also the background situation…but this is too detailed of a discussion to get into and that’s not the topic right now…
I can’t promise any specific day but I will give you what you need as soon as I can. And I’m not far more knowledgable than anyone here, I’m just a layman like everyone else trying to seek the Truth bi idhnillah…
Assalamualaikum
June 12th, 2008 at 12:17 am
as one of my friend who’s been raised there, this is actually pretty widespread in Dubai and Iran…for the wrong reasons, sadly.
the whole ‘certificate of virginity’ thing is wack - Umar ibn Khattab (r.a.) once rebuked a man for telling prospective suitors who asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage that she was not a virgin, b/c the man was just trying to be honest. subhanAllah, here you have ppl doubting a girl’s chastity while our Amir ul Mu’mineen (r.a) told someone to cover such information even when it was known!
June 12th, 2008 at 3:59 am
one thing along the same lines of what Br. Taufique said in terms of “there’s no way of finding out if a man is virgin or not”.. are all the other double standards when it comes to similar things. For instance:
Yes, a woman’s hiyaa is one of the most precious things. But at the same time, what I really don’t understand are these parents that KNOW their son(s) arent that good, but yet they want a perfect angel as a wife for him.
Also even with non-Muslim guys.. they go around and sleep with everyone and then when it comes down to finding a girl for “marriage” or to “raise a family with” then they’ll be like these girls that i was with all these years aren’t “marriage material” or not the type “they’d bring back to their parents.” and they try to get a nice shy sheltered girl.
It’s such double standards and all disgusting. You want someone good, start acting good yourself.
“The adulterer marries not but an adulteress…”
June 12th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Double standards is one of the diseases that has entered the hearts of Muslims from those around us.
As for the ayah from Surah Noor about: The adulterer marries not but an adulteress…
Just so there is no confusion, this means that chaste women & men can not marry a zaani/zaaniyyah until he/she has repented from the crime. If the zaani/zaaniyyah hasn’t repented then it is Haraam for the believers to marry him/her, because Allah clearly says at the end “such a thing is forbidden upon the believers”.
Btw, I e-mailed you a couple of things, if the material looks ok, maybe you can post it when you get time…
Assalamualaikum
June 13th, 2008 at 3:13 am
sure inshaAllah. I’ll post it after my post about music inshaAllah. Barak Allahu feek. And Jazak Allah khair for taking time to write the post about marriage.