During my first few days here in Egypt I went out with my cousin and her friend Lena* to this beautiful restaurant over-looking the beach. It was the first time I met Lena. She was sweet, kind and polite — she also happened to be a hijabi.
We went out and had a great time. I don’t know if i’ll see her again any time soon. But I was happy my cousin had such wonderful friends, mashaAllah.
Two days later, I’m with my cousin in the car stuck in traffic and she tells me “Did you know Lena took off her hijab?” I was like, “When? You mean a couple of years ago?”She replied, “No… I mean like yesterday. She’s been wearing it for seven years now.”
I was baffled. The thought of going out without my hijab after putting it on - especially for so long- is unthinkable to me. Not only because 1. I do it for the sake of Allah, but 2. Because it would make me feel so exposed and naked without it.
I proceeded to tell my cousin that the intention probably wasn’t right from the beginning. After all, a lot of people in Egypt do it because of culture, not religion. But my cousin refuted that and told me that she was very sincere when she put it on and Lena told her that she wore it for the sake of Allah.
But WHY? What is the reason a person takes off their hijab if we know it is fard and we know that we are doing it to please Allah? What are the possible reasons that we might take off our hijabs?
Not everyone who takes off their hijab does so because they never had the right intention. And not everyone takes it off because they have low self-esteem or family pressure.
But still the question lingers… why? What is missing in our lives that we feel will be fulfilled with taking off our hijabs? One answer?
The love and attention of people, whether we know it consciously or subconsciously.
Allah ‘az wa jal says in surat Al-Baqarah:
“And of mankind are some who take (for worship) others besides Allah as rivals (to Allah). They love them as they love Allah. But those who believe, love Allah more (than anything else). If only, those who do wrong could see, when they will see the torment, that all power belongs to Allah and that Allah is Severe in punishment”
It’s seeking love from other than Allah. It’s obeying (worshiping) society and desires and leaving the worship of Allah ‘az wa jal.
And wallahi dear sisters, it is this seeking of filling the void in the heart in places other than with Allah that brings a person to the edge of a very steep cliff — a cliff that can lead to a person’s spiritual death.
What we truly miss in our hearts that needs fulfilling, is the love of Allah.
Dear sisters, whether we’ve never worn hijab at all or recently have decided to take it off, first, know that we do not judge anyone and what another’s heart contains. The hearts belong to Allah and no one can know what is in another person’s heart other than Allah. There are girls who wear hijab and commit shirk with Allah. And in the eyes of Allah they are nothing.
Second, know that Allah ‘az wa jal says in His noble book:
“Say: “O Ibadee (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
It does not matter what people think of us. If you feel, since you’ve taken off your hijab, people have judged you, then know that Allah ‘az wa jal is the one who will judge between people on the day of judgment. So what matters is what Allah ‘az wa jal thinks about you. And we should not seek love and attention from people before we seek it from Allah. Truly if you seek the love of Allah, then you will follow what Allah has sent with Muhammad Salallahu alayhi wa sallam and in turn you will gain the love of Allah and feel it in your hearts and be fully content.
As Allah ‘az wa jal says,
“Say (Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam): ‘If you really love Allah, then follow me and Allah will love you. He will forgive your sins and Allah is the Oft-Forgiving, Most-Merciful.’”
Third, every girl who starts to wear hijab late in her life always goes through this stage in which she thinks about what it will be like to “never go out with her hair done again.” I know many sisters who set a time period of when they will start to wear hijab. They tell themselves, “I’m going to start wearing hijab FOR SURE, inshaAllah, when Ramadan starts.” (Hopefully Allah allows them to live that long.)
And we want to enjoy their time while we can before we actually commit to wear the hijab and never take it off.
Subhanallah, we know what you are going through, sisters. But know that while we think that we are “enjoying your time before commitment,” we will soon regret that time we spent before committing to hijab.
When you do something purely for the sake of Allah, then you regret all the times you didn’t do it.
It’s like a Muslim who starts to pray later in life, they soon regret all the times they didn’t pray when they were supposed to.
Allah ‘az wa jal clearly gives us an order in the Quran to wear our hijabs, and who has more right to be obeyed and fully submitted to other than the one who created us, nurishes and provides for us? No one.
Allah ‘az wa jal orders the believing women surat An-Nur to:
“…not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)…”
We all say that we want to get closer to Allah. And it’s always about taking that next step. Everyone deep down knows what that next step is in their life, whether it’s actually doing something or even just refraining from one particular sin.
“Taking Off Hijab Syndrome” or “Didn’t Start Wearing Hijab Yet Syndrome” have cures. And that cure is found only with Allah. Seek help from Allah more than you would seek help from a doctor for a fatal disease. Because even doctors cannot cure diseases without the will of Allah.
Take the first step and Allah will help you take care of the rest inshaAllah. He will take care of all the people who have ever judged you, he will take care of your beauty and most of Allah he will take care of that void in your heart.
Wallahu alem. May Allah ‘az wa jal guide us to the path that leads to seeing His Face in Jannah, and may Allah make it easy for all our sisters. Ameen.
________________________________________________________________________________________
* Real names were not used.
Stumble it!
July 19th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Ameen!
July 19th, 2008 at 10:48 am
i know a girl how studie with me in the same high school she was muhajaba but if we unter to the gym room she take’t off end when we end the practice she put it on,
i wonder to tell to the parentes how don’t know what their child are doing on their absence;”O you who believe! save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones; over it are angels stern and strong, they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them, and do as they are commanded. “
July 19th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
looks like i wrote a research paper. sorry bout that guys.
Wild7ouma,
subhanallah, the problem is that most of the time the parents know and they dont care. wallahu alem if that is the case with the sister.. but what bothers me the most is when the parents are religious (meaning the mother wears hijab and the father goes to the masjid regularly) and then they just let their daughters take it off and say “we cant force it”
that’s true… they cant force her to do so.. but they can do everything in their power to try to bring her to her senses and not just be like “oh well, she’ll come around.”
It’s also a lot of the raising that a person gets as a child, their friends and environment. unfortunately, the media tells people that if you hide your beauty you’re missing out on life; that you’re oppressed.
These girls wouldn’t have such low self-esteem if other sisters would compliment the noor on their faces from wearing the hijab or niqaab. Wallahi that’s the best adornment anyone can have.. if only people realized the value of it– but unfortunately we follow what society says is beautiful and what isnt. And we follow kuffar who say that religion shouldnt tell us how we should live our lives. wallahul musta’an.
wallahu alem.
July 19th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=5694544302
eliminate hijab ban in tunisia-sign this petition!!!
July 20th, 2008 at 1:58 am
We do not have the knowledge or wisdom to know what is it someone’s heart. It is unfortunate that many sisters frown upon the fluid and changing faith another has. Isn’t life changing? We are so complex we barely understand ourselves. Faith is equally complex. We should extend mercy and understanding to all people and leave the judgment to Allah. Only Allah knows the reasons behind a person’s decision.
July 20th, 2008 at 3:15 am
you made a good point, but honestly this article disappoints me. what you say is right, but the examples of people are wrong of you to use. even if you change the name, its still insulting, and not to mention some of the information is false. nobody should make examples out of situations they know nothing about.
July 20th, 2008 at 3:26 am
“…the intention probably wasn’t right from the beginning”
Allahu’alam, but we do have to realize that the greater challenge is perseverance in intention rather than consistency of the act itself… I have known sisters who have worn the hijab for years, and donned it from the start with the purest of intentions (mashaAllah) but there always comes a moment of weakness - some for the reasons you so thoroughly outlined. In instances such as these, it helps to remind oneself why they took it up in the first place: i.e, renewing their intentions when they feel their resolve weakening.
Circumstances can change intentions even if something is practiced on a regular basis. Allahu’alam.
July 20th, 2008 at 3:28 am
You shouldnt use the twisted story of a person to introduce this sensitive issue. how would you feel if someone twisted your story and put it on the internet? wallahi i am truly dissapointed. Not everyone is like the others, and not everyones life is like the others either. Name changing doesnt make this article right. Whatever someone does is their decision, and as muslims, we shouldn’t judge them, or even say things about them. You shouldn’t make things like that public. This is the internet, where everyone who can access this story, can look at it. Be careful with things you say, because they can severely hurt others.
July 20th, 2008 at 4:22 am
AKI, yes there are many different reasons a person may take off their hijab, as I mentioned in the article. And As I also mentioned, no one has the right to judge them, as sometimes there are women who wear hijab but commit shirk with Allah or go to night clubs or whatever.
However, they are still going to be held accountable for that action. And our job as Muslims is when we see someone doing something wrong to try to correct them.
Alicia,
email me :). I KNOW you are thinking of a specific person, but you should trust me when I say you don’t know her, and although the person you are thinking about’s situation is (somewhat) similar, that’s not who I’m speaking of. none of what i wrote is made up, these are experiences I’ve heard and seen with my own eyes, so inshaAllah rest assured this isnt some PR spin on a story it’s from my perspective. And using real examples to divert people from making the same mistakes sometimes is needed. yallah email me if you feel like talking and send my salam to the other girls, inshaAllah.
HK, completely agreed. mashaAllah well put.
July 20th, 2008 at 5:21 am
Woman do you read my thoughts?
July 20th, 2008 at 5:57 am
Shirien:
check out my post on my blog … its a response to yours =)
http://the3rdkhalifa.blogspot.com/2008/07/re-taking-off-hijab-syndrome.html
July 21st, 2008 at 6:34 am
it’s definitely a sensative topic, and it hits home for me as well, as this has happened to some of the closest people to me. And when something hits home, I chose to write about it.
I’ll try to make my examples a little less directly “this is what happened” however, i see that there is a lot of benefit to relaying true stories. Especially if no names are mentioned. After all, when we go to khutbahs, do we not hear real stories that make us reflect on our own situations?
if I said anything wrong it’s from myself and shaytaan and I ask those who may have been offended to forgive me.
Anything right is from Allah ‘az wa jal.
A sister actually emailed me telling me that she had often thought about taking off hijab in the past, because she thought she might get more attention, but she since then changed and got closer to Allah.
The situation is real. it happens. people do so for these reasons. however, like i said no one judges another person, all we can do is remind them of why they were created and try to get them to come back to sabeelillah.
wallahu alem.
read it with an open heart and mind and you’ll see the message there.
July 21st, 2008 at 5:39 pm
AssalamuAlaikum! I commend Sister Sherien’s efforts in pointing out an issue that needed to be addressed for a while now. Your article is the first of its kind to address it, may Allah reward you.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:57 am
Barak Allahi feeki Sr. Rabia, may Allah ‘az wa jal make it easy on our sisters and guide us to that which is pleasing to Allah.
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:40 pm
The following is from an online newspaper in Cairo, Egypt.
Lifting the veil of silence on hijab
By Ahmed Maged and Sarah O. Wali
First Published: July 11, 2008
[ ]
The decision to keep the veil on is getting harder for some girls in Egypt.
CAIRO: Twenty-five-year-old Reem is mustering all her courage to make a move she had been contemplating for months. Years ago, Reem had taken on the hijab (Islamic headscarf) but now she was about to remove it once and for all.
Like many girls her age, Reem represents a growing trend in Egyptian society of women deciding to remove the hijab, despite the social and family pressure to keeping it on.
The growing phenomenon includes students and fresh graduates as well as grown middle-aged women, who may have donned the veil for over 15 years.
Dina Mohamed, 38 (not her real name) is a former translator who now works in public relations and who was still at school when she first got veiled. Her life-changing decision, however, not only led to a dramatic career change, but also to her divorce.
“I grew up wearing the veil and initially I had never questioned it,” Dina told Daily News Egypt.
“My husband, who was religious and conservative at one point, strengthened my commitment to abide by the Islamic dress code by encouraging me to wear black. Because of that commitment I had to pursue a certain type of career,” added Dina.
“It was a big blow to me when, by chance, I discovered that my husband played behind my back with other women and that he wasn’t the pious man he pretended to be.
“I woke up to a fallacy, a mirage, then decided to throw away the veil, wear fashionable colorful clothes and get a better-paid PR job I had always wanted.”
Dina is quick to add that she still behaves within the boundaries of decency.
“I haven’t gone to the other extreme as other women who remove the veil,” she says.
Laila Rashid, 45, who removed the veil early this year says that it was a very personal decision.
A few years after Laila had completed her university degree at Cairo University’s faculty of arts, she moved with her husband to Saudi Arabia where, like him, she was a teacher.
The change in her appearance and outlook became obvious to everyone who knew her when she returned from Saudi about five years later.
She became a preacher in her spare time, alongside her day job as a secondary school teacher.
When the authorities started a massive clamped-down on the Muslim Brotherhood in the past two years, Laila told her friends that she will have to giving religious lessons temporarily, but then she surprised everyone by appearing publicly without the hijab. She is still married.
A new trend?
Religious scholars believe that those who remove the veil are an insignificant minority in a society where a passion for religion is all-encompassing.
Others argue that it is unrealistic to dismiss the trend simply because it is impossible to tell whether an unveiled women used to wear the hijab in the past, or to obtain statistics on the issue.
“Even those who have taken it off once and for all prefer not to make it public knowledge,” noted Dr Ghada El Khouly, assistant professor of psychiatry at Ain Shams University.
“One of the symptoms of personality disorder among some patients is the hasty and unjustified wearing and removal of the headscarf,” El Khouly said.
Although the hijab remains a personal decision, its social and psychological repercussions cannot be ignored.
“I believe it is the religious factor that rules supreme in matters like hijab,”
Mahmoud Ashour, of the Islamic Research Center told Daily News Egypt.
“Those contesting the influence of religion and opting to refer the matter to a series of social factors could be right, but they should remember that the social aspect of hijab also emanates from religion,” Ashour explained.
However, Nadra Wahdan, a sociologist at the National Planning Institute in Cairo, insists the veil is part of a cultural tradition and is bound to take a back seat as the winds of change start to overtake local culture.
Conflicts of opinion
The tug-of-war over the hijab has a been a bone of contention between the religious institution and secularists in Egypt, with the scholars at Al-Azhar, the bastion of Sunni Islam, insisting that the hijab is a religious obligation stipulated in the Holy Quran.
However, unconventional Islamic thinker Gamal El Banna, breaks from traditional views on the issue, heralding in what critics believe to be a more moderate/modern trends in Islamic thought.
El Banna argued in a highly controversial book titled “The Hijab” that, in addition to the lack of proof to support the belief that the veil is a religious obligation, the headscarf is impractical and can be an obstacle for women who wish to pursue certain careers.
He also says that a woman’s hair was never seen as a temptation the way many male chauvinists believed.
A tradition that preceded the advent of Islam by 2000 years, the veil is the mark of a bygone era that is unsuited to current developments in the women’s status, El Banna says.
While Ashour believes that there is no arguing that the hijab is a religious obligation, taking it on should be left entirely to individual women’s decision and conviction.
“There is no use wearing it in your neighborhood then taking off immediately once you’re away,” he stressed.
The younger generation
While sociologist Wahdan stresses the social impact that compels girls and women at home, school or the workplace to don the hijab, Somaya Ibrahim, a gender and development specialist and a women’s rights activist, points out that research on the phenomenon indicates that many young women usually start wearing it at a critical time in their lives.
Echoing the same view, El Khouly said: “In most cases I’ve seen the act of donning the veil was an emotional decision taken as a reaction to a crisis, severe stress or isolation. When the surrounding circumstances change, those girls immediately remove the veil.”
The accounts of Salma Saqr, Reham Hossam El Din, Noura Kamel and Sarah Assem, four young women who chose to remove the hijab, give credence to the specialists’ theory.
The four girls, all in their 20s, have been veiled for an average of five years.
They first decided to cover their hair after listening to preacher Amr Khaled, but all admit that their decision cannot be seen in isolation from their social and family backgrounds.
Salma’s black robe and scarf, for instance, was a reaction to her family’s liberal attitude and lack of religiosity.
While Reham took the decision to protect herself from the permissiveness of her high school management that was too tolerant of matters relating sexual relations, drinking and drug addiction, Noura got veiled after a long phase of depression and desperation. The veil came as part of her decision to turn to God for consolation.
Sarah, who grew up in the US, was forced to wear as their religious father feared she and her two sisters would be swayed by Western values.
But at one point they all decided to bid farewell to the hijab.
“I had a really bad experience with some overtly religious people, some of whom were morally corrupt,” recounted Salma.
She added: “I began to feel that the hijab was a camouflage and not necessarily a mark of piety. Now I no longer associate faith with dress. I know many veiled girls who don’t pray and have boyfriends.”
Salma adds that her family was happy to see her shed the hijab.
“I must also admit it is very difficult to be veiled amid a group of liberal people in the same way you feel out of place as an unveiled girl amid a conservative group.”
Reham found out that being veiled made her life very difficult.
“People judge veiled women harshly and require them to adhere to very strict and specific rules,” she told Daily News Egypt.
“Some people use the veil only as a defense against harassment,” she continued. “When you take it off you learn how to develop the self-confidence necessary to defend yourself.”
Noura was put off when one day a preacher said that girls who didn’t wear the hijab would never get married.
“I was shocked and I started to have serious doubts about whether it was right to cover my hair,” says Noura. “It seemed ridiculous that someone would assume that an unveiled woman would never get married.”
For Sarah it was a different matter.
“As I attended Islamic conferences regularly I realized that the hijab was more than a dress code.
“Veiled women were perceived unassuming and tended to accept being pushed to the sidelines. Many times I tried to come to the forefront to discuss things but was brushed aside because I was veiled. People assume that a muhajaba (veiled woman) should remain silent.
“Slowly I began to give up wearing long dresses then renounced the hijab completely.”
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:45 am
that’s a really sad article. wallahul musta’an.
What we need to realize is why would we even WANT to marry someone who doesnt want their wife to wear hijab? or why would we even WANT to work for an employee who is biased and only hires girls if they dont wear hijab. wallahi it makes no sense. and subhanallah Allah ‘az wa jal says “wa mayyatiqqillaha yaja3l lahu makhrijah” — and whomever fears Allah, Allah will make him a way out (and from avenues from which he could not imagine)
wallahi when you see help from only Allah, and fear Him alone, you’ll always find a way out. If we just remain patient Allah will give us something even BETTER than that job/spouse that we’re seeking.
wallahu alem.
July 25th, 2008 at 3:14 am
Check out this article @ MuslimMatters…
Convertible Hijabi? Or Struggling Sister? -
http://muslimmatters.org/2008/07/23/convertible-hijabi-or-struggling-sister/
July 26th, 2008 at 11:10 am
I read a lot about the current trend of more and more women removing the hijab http://thehijablog.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/removing-the-veil-to-veil-or-not-to-veil/
and it’s sad reading. Probably a sideeffect from the many girls that put it on without concidering it too much.