Taking Off Hijab Syndrome
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During my first few days here in Egypt I went out with my cousin and her friend Lena* to this beautiful restaurant over-looking the beach. It was the first time I met Lena. She was sweet, kind and polite — she also happened to be a hijabi.
We went out and had a great time. I don’t know if i’ll see her again any time soon. But I was happy my cousin had such wonderful friends, mashaAllah.
Two days later, I’m with my cousin in the car stuck in traffic and she tells me “Did you know Lena took off her hijab?” I was like, “When? You mean a couple of years ago?”She replied, “No… I mean like yesterday. She’s been wearing it for seven years now.”
I was baffled. The thought of going out without my hijab after putting it on – especially for so long- is unthinkable to me. Not only because 1. I do it for the sake of Allah, but 2. Because it would make me feel so exposed and naked without it.
I proceeded to tell my cousin that the intention probably wasn’t right from the beginning. After all, a lot of people in Egypt do it because of culture, not religion. But my cousin refuted that and told me that she was very sincere when she put it on and Lena told her that she wore it for the sake of Allah.
But WHY? What is the reason a person takes off their hijab if we know it is fard and we know that we are doing it to please Allah? What are the possible reasons that we might take off our hijabs?
Not everyone who takes off their hijab does so because they never had the right intention. And not everyone takes it off because they have low self-esteem or family pressure.
But still the question lingers… why? What is missing in our lives that we feel will be fulfilled with taking off our hijabs? One answer?
The love and attention of people, whether we know it consciously or subconsciously.
Allah ‘az wa jal says in surat Al-Baqarah:
“And of mankind are some who take (for worship) others besides Allah as rivals (to Allah). They love them as they love Allah. But those who believe, love Allah more (than anything else). If only, those who do wrong could see, when they will see the torment, that all power belongs to Allah and that Allah is Severe in punishment”
It’s seeking love from other than Allah. It’s obeying (worshiping) society and desires and leaving the worship of Allah ‘az wa jal.
And wallahi dear sisters, it is this seeking of filling the void in the heart in places other than with Allah that brings a person to the edge of a very steep cliff — a cliff that can lead to a person’s spiritual death.
What we truly miss in our hearts that needs fulfilling, is the love of Allah.
Dear sisters, whether we’ve never worn hijab at all or recently have decided to take it off, first, know that we do not judge anyone and what another’s heart contains. The hearts belong to Allah and no one can know what is in another person’s heart other than Allah. There are girls who wear hijab and commit shirk with Allah. And in the eyes of Allah they are nothing.
Second, know that Allah ‘az wa jal says in His noble book:
“Say: “O Ibadee (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
It does not matter what people think of us. If you feel, since you’ve taken off your hijab, people have judged you, then know that Allah ‘az wa jal is the one who will judge between people on the day of judgment. So what matters is what Allah ‘az wa jal thinks about you. And we should not seek love and attention from people before we seek it from Allah. Truly if you seek the love of Allah, then you will follow what Allah has sent with Muhammad Salallahu alayhi wa sallam and in turn you will gain the love of Allah and feel it in your hearts and be fully content.
As Allah ‘az wa jal says,
“Say (Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam): ‘If you really love Allah, then follow me and Allah will love you. He will forgive your sins and Allah is the Oft-Forgiving, Most-Merciful.’”
Third, every girl who starts to wear hijab late in her life always goes through this stage in which she thinks about what it will be like to “never go out with her hair done again.” I know many sisters who set a time period of when they will start to wear hijab. They tell themselves, “I’m going to start wearing hijab FOR SURE, inshaAllah, when Ramadan starts.” (Hopefully Allah allows them to live that long.)
And we want to enjoy their time while we can before we actually commit to wear the hijab and never take it off.
Subhanallah, we know what you are going through, sisters. But know that while we think that we are “enjoying your time before commitment,” we will soon regret that time we spent before committing to hijab.
When you do something purely for the sake of Allah, then you regret all the times you didn’t do it.
It’s like a Muslim who starts to pray later in life, they soon regret all the times they didn’t pray when they were supposed to.
Allah ‘az wa jal clearly gives us an order in the Quran to wear our hijabs, and who has more right to be obeyed and fully submitted to other than the one who created us, nurishes and provides for us? No one.
Allah ‘az wa jal orders the believing women surat An-Nur to:
“…not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)…”
We all say that we want to get closer to Allah. And it’s always about taking that next step. Everyone deep down knows what that next step is in their life, whether it’s actually doing something or even just refraining from one particular sin.
“Taking Off Hijab Syndrome” or “Didn’t Start Wearing Hijab Yet Syndrome” have cures. And that cure is found only with Allah. Seek help from Allah more than you would seek help from a doctor for a fatal disease. Because even doctors cannot cure diseases without the will of Allah.
Take the first step and Allah will help you take care of the rest inshaAllah. He will take care of all the people who have ever judged you, he will take care of your beauty and most of Allah he will take care of that void in your heart.
Wallahu alem. May Allah ‘az wa jal guide us to the path that leads to seeing His Face in Jannah, and may Allah make it easy for all our sisters. Ameen.
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* Real names were not used.
genieyclo Says: 19.07.08 at 10:38 am
Ameen!
wild7ouma Says: 19.07.08 at 10:48 am
i know a girl how studie with me in the same high school she was muhajaba but if we unter to the gym room she take’t off end when we end the practice she put it on,
i wonder to tell to the parentes how don’t know what their child are doing on their absence;”O you who believe! save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones; over it are angels stern and strong, they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them, and do as they are commanded. “
shirien Says: 19.07.08 at 12:56 pm
looks like i wrote a research paper. sorry bout that guys.
Wild7ouma,
subhanallah, the problem is that most of the time the parents know and they dont care. wallahu alem if that is the case with the sister.. but what bothers me the most is when the parents are religious (meaning the mother wears hijab and the father goes to the masjid regularly) and then they just let their daughters take it off and say “we cant force it”
that’s true… they cant force her to do so.. but they can do everything in their power to try to bring her to her senses and not just be like “oh well, she’ll come around.”
It’s also a lot of the raising that a person gets as a child, their friends and environment. unfortunately, the media tells people that if you hide your beauty you’re missing out on life; that you’re oppressed.
These girls wouldn’t have such low self-esteem if other sisters would compliment the noor on their faces from wearing the hijab or niqaab. Wallahi that’s the best adornment anyone can have.. if only people realized the value of it– but unfortunately we follow what society says is beautiful and what isnt. And we follow kuffar who say that religion shouldnt tell us how we should live our lives. wallahul musta’an.
wallahu alem.
wild7ouma Says: 19.07.08 at 1:28 pm
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=5694544302
eliminate hijab ban in tunisia-sign this petition!!!
AKI Says: 20.07.08 at 1:58 am
We do not have the knowledge or wisdom to know what is it someone’s heart. It is unfortunate that many sisters frown upon the fluid and changing faith another has. Isn’t life changing? We are so complex we barely understand ourselves. Faith is equally complex. We should extend mercy and understanding to all people and leave the judgment to Allah. Only Allah knows the reasons behind a person’s decision.
alicia Says: 20.07.08 at 3:15 am
you made a good point, but honestly this article disappoints me. what you say is right, but the examples of people are wrong of you to use. even if you change the name, its still insulting, and not to mention some of the information is false. nobody should make examples out of situations they know nothing about.
HK Says: 20.07.08 at 3:26 am
“…the intention probably wasn’t right from the beginning”
Allahu’alam, but we do have to realize that the greater challenge is perseverance in intention rather than consistency of the act itself… I have known sisters who have worn the hijab for years, and donned it from the start with the purest of intentions (mashaAllah) but there always comes a moment of weakness – some for the reasons you so thoroughly outlined. In instances such as these, it helps to remind oneself why they took it up in the first place: i.e, renewing their intentions when they feel their resolve weakening.
Circumstances can change intentions even if something is practiced on a regular basis. Allahu’alam.
alicia Says: 20.07.08 at 3:28 am
You shouldnt use the twisted story of a person to introduce this sensitive issue. how would you feel if someone twisted your story and put it on the internet? wallahi i am truly dissapointed. Not everyone is like the others, and not everyones life is like the others either. Name changing doesnt make this article right. Whatever someone does is their decision, and as muslims, we shouldn’t judge them, or even say things about them. You shouldn’t make things like that public. This is the internet, where everyone who can access this story, can look at it. Be careful with things you say, because they can severely hurt others.
shirien Says: 20.07.08 at 4:22 am
AKI, yes there are many different reasons a person may take off their hijab, as I mentioned in the article. And As I also mentioned, no one has the right to judge them, as sometimes there are women who wear hijab but commit shirk with Allah or go to night clubs or whatever.
However, they are still going to be held accountable for that action. And our job as Muslims is when we see someone doing something wrong to try to correct them.
Alicia,
email me
. I KNOW you are thinking of a specific person, but you should trust me when I say you don’t know her, and although the person you are thinking about’s situation is (somewhat) similar, that’s not who I’m speaking of. none of what i wrote is made up, these are experiences I’ve heard and seen with my own eyes, so inshaAllah rest assured this isnt some PR spin on a story it’s from my perspective. And using real examples to divert people from making the same mistakes sometimes is needed. yallah email me if you feel like talking and send my salam to the other girls, inshaAllah.
HK, completely agreed. mashaAllah well put.
Melody Says: 20.07.08 at 5:21 am
Woman do you read my thoughts?
Melody Says: 20.07.08 at 5:57 am
Shirien:
check out my post on my blog … its a response to yours =)
http://the3rdkhalifa.blogspot.com/2008/07/re-taking-off-hijab-syndrome.html
shirien Says: 21.07.08 at 6:34 am
it’s definitely a sensative topic, and it hits home for me as well, as this has happened to some of the closest people to me. And when something hits home, I chose to write about it.
I’ll try to make my examples a little less directly “this is what happened” however, i see that there is a lot of benefit to relaying true stories. Especially if no names are mentioned. After all, when we go to khutbahs, do we not hear real stories that make us reflect on our own situations?
if I said anything wrong it’s from myself and shaytaan and I ask those who may have been offended to forgive me.
Anything right is from Allah ‘az wa jal.
A sister actually emailed me telling me that she had often thought about taking off hijab in the past, because she thought she might get more attention, but she since then changed and got closer to Allah.
The situation is real. it happens. people do so for these reasons. however, like i said no one judges another person, all we can do is remind them of why they were created and try to get them to come back to sabeelillah.
wallahu alem.
read it with an open heart and mind and you’ll see the message there.
RabiaM Says: 21.07.08 at 5:39 pm
AssalamuAlaikum! I commend Sister Sherien’s efforts in pointing out an issue that needed to be addressed for a while now. Your article is the first of its kind to address it, may Allah reward you.
shirien Says: 22.07.08 at 10:57 am
Barak Allahi feeki Sr. Rabia, may Allah ‘az wa jal make it easy on our sisters and guide us to that which is pleasing to Allah.
Shaikh~N~Bake Says: 22.07.08 at 7:40 pm
The following is from an online newspaper in Cairo, Egypt.
Lifting the veil of silence on hijab
By Ahmed Maged and Sarah O. Wali
First Published: July 11, 2008
[ ]
The decision to keep the veil on is getting harder for some girls in Egypt.
CAIRO: Twenty-five-year-old Reem is mustering all her courage to make a move she had been contemplating for months. Years ago, Reem had taken on the hijab (Islamic headscarf) but now she was about to remove it once and for all.
Like many girls her age, Reem represents a growing trend in Egyptian society of women deciding to remove the hijab, despite the social and family pressure to keeping it on.
The growing phenomenon includes students and fresh graduates as well as grown middle-aged women, who may have donned the veil for over 15 years.
Dina Mohamed, 38 (not her real name) is a former translator who now works in public relations and who was still at school when she first got veiled. Her life-changing decision, however, not only led to a dramatic career change, but also to her divorce.
“I grew up wearing the veil and initially I had never questioned it,” Dina told Daily News Egypt.
“My husband, who was religious and conservative at one point, strengthened my commitment to abide by the Islamic dress code by encouraging me to wear black. Because of that commitment I had to pursue a certain type of career,” added Dina.
“It was a big blow to me when, by chance, I discovered that my husband played behind my back with other women and that he wasn’t the pious man he pretended to be.
“I woke up to a fallacy, a mirage, then decided to throw away the veil, wear fashionable colorful clothes and get a better-paid PR job I had always wanted.”
Dina is quick to add that she still behaves within the boundaries of decency.
“I haven’t gone to the other extreme as other women who remove the veil,” she says.
Laila Rashid, 45, who removed the veil early this year says that it was a very personal decision.
A few years after Laila had completed her university degree at Cairo University’s faculty of arts, she moved with her husband to Saudi Arabia where, like him, she was a teacher.
The change in her appearance and outlook became obvious to everyone who knew her when she returned from Saudi about five years later.
She became a preacher in her spare time, alongside her day job as a secondary school teacher.
When the authorities started a massive clamped-down on the Muslim Brotherhood in the past two years, Laila told her friends that she will have to giving religious lessons temporarily, but then she surprised everyone by appearing publicly without the hijab. She is still married.
A new trend?
Religious scholars believe that those who remove the veil are an insignificant minority in a society where a passion for religion is all-encompassing.
Others argue that it is unrealistic to dismiss the trend simply because it is impossible to tell whether an unveiled women used to wear the hijab in the past, or to obtain statistics on the issue.
“Even those who have taken it off once and for all prefer not to make it public knowledge,” noted Dr Ghada El Khouly, assistant professor of psychiatry at Ain Shams University.
“One of the symptoms of personality disorder among some patients is the hasty and unjustified wearing and removal of the headscarf,” El Khouly said.
Although the hijab remains a personal decision, its social and psychological repercussions cannot be ignored.
“I believe it is the religious factor that rules supreme in matters like hijab,”
Mahmoud Ashour, of the Islamic Research Center told Daily News Egypt.
“Those contesting the influence of religion and opting to refer the matter to a series of social factors could be right, but they should remember that the social aspect of hijab also emanates from religion,” Ashour explained.
However, Nadra Wahdan, a sociologist at the National Planning Institute in Cairo, insists the veil is part of a cultural tradition and is bound to take a back seat as the winds of change start to overtake local culture.
Conflicts of opinion
The tug-of-war over the hijab has a been a bone of contention between the religious institution and secularists in Egypt, with the scholars at Al-Azhar, the bastion of Sunni Islam, insisting that the hijab is a religious obligation stipulated in the Holy Quran.
However, unconventional Islamic thinker Gamal El Banna, breaks from traditional views on the issue, heralding in what critics believe to be a more moderate/modern trends in Islamic thought.
El Banna argued in a highly controversial book titled “The Hijab” that, in addition to the lack of proof to support the belief that the veil is a religious obligation, the headscarf is impractical and can be an obstacle for women who wish to pursue certain careers.
He also says that a woman’s hair was never seen as a temptation the way many male chauvinists believed.
A tradition that preceded the advent of Islam by 2000 years, the veil is the mark of a bygone era that is unsuited to current developments in the women’s status, El Banna says.
While Ashour believes that there is no arguing that the hijab is a religious obligation, taking it on should be left entirely to individual women’s decision and conviction.
“There is no use wearing it in your neighborhood then taking off immediately once you’re away,” he stressed.
The younger generation
While sociologist Wahdan stresses the social impact that compels girls and women at home, school or the workplace to don the hijab, Somaya Ibrahim, a gender and development specialist and a women’s rights activist, points out that research on the phenomenon indicates that many young women usually start wearing it at a critical time in their lives.
Echoing the same view, El Khouly said: “In most cases I’ve seen the act of donning the veil was an emotional decision taken as a reaction to a crisis, severe stress or isolation. When the surrounding circumstances change, those girls immediately remove the veil.”
The accounts of Salma Saqr, Reham Hossam El Din, Noura Kamel and Sarah Assem, four young women who chose to remove the hijab, give credence to the specialists’ theory.
The four girls, all in their 20s, have been veiled for an average of five years.
They first decided to cover their hair after listening to preacher Amr Khaled, but all admit that their decision cannot be seen in isolation from their social and family backgrounds.
Salma’s black robe and scarf, for instance, was a reaction to her family’s liberal attitude and lack of religiosity.
While Reham took the decision to protect herself from the permissiveness of her high school management that was too tolerant of matters relating sexual relations, drinking and drug addiction, Noura got veiled after a long phase of depression and desperation. The veil came as part of her decision to turn to God for consolation.
Sarah, who grew up in the US, was forced to wear as their religious father feared she and her two sisters would be swayed by Western values.
But at one point they all decided to bid farewell to the hijab.
“I had a really bad experience with some overtly religious people, some of whom were morally corrupt,” recounted Salma.
She added: “I began to feel that the hijab was a camouflage and not necessarily a mark of piety. Now I no longer associate faith with dress. I know many veiled girls who don’t pray and have boyfriends.”
Salma adds that her family was happy to see her shed the hijab.
“I must also admit it is very difficult to be veiled amid a group of liberal people in the same way you feel out of place as an unveiled girl amid a conservative group.”
Reham found out that being veiled made her life very difficult.
“People judge veiled women harshly and require them to adhere to very strict and specific rules,” she told Daily News Egypt.
“Some people use the veil only as a defense against harassment,” she continued. “When you take it off you learn how to develop the self-confidence necessary to defend yourself.”
Noura was put off when one day a preacher said that girls who didn’t wear the hijab would never get married.
“I was shocked and I started to have serious doubts about whether it was right to cover my hair,” says Noura. “It seemed ridiculous that someone would assume that an unveiled woman would never get married.”
For Sarah it was a different matter.
“As I attended Islamic conferences regularly I realized that the hijab was more than a dress code.
“Veiled women were perceived unassuming and tended to accept being pushed to the sidelines. Many times I tried to come to the forefront to discuss things but was brushed aside because I was veiled. People assume that a muhajaba (veiled woman) should remain silent.
“Slowly I began to give up wearing long dresses then renounced the hijab completely.”
shirien Says: 23.07.08 at 9:45 am
that’s a really sad article. wallahul musta’an.
What we need to realize is why would we even WANT to marry someone who doesnt want their wife to wear hijab? or why would we even WANT to work for an employee who is biased and only hires girls if they dont wear hijab. wallahi it makes no sense. and subhanallah Allah ‘az wa jal says “wa mayyatiqqillaha yaja3l lahu makhrijah” — and whomever fears Allah, Allah will make him a way out (and from avenues from which he could not imagine)
wallahi when you see help from only Allah, and fear Him alone, you’ll always find a way out. If we just remain patient Allah will give us something even BETTER than that job/spouse that we’re seeking.
wallahu alem.
Nihal Khan Says: 25.07.08 at 3:14 am
Check out this article @ MuslimMatters…
Convertible Hijabi? Or Struggling Sister? –
http://muslimmatters.org/2008/07/23/convertible-hijabi-or-struggling-sister/
Basbousa Says: 26.07.08 at 11:10 am
I read a lot about the current trend of more and more women removing the hijab http://thehijablog.wordpress.com/2008/07/14/removing-the-veil-to-veil-or-not-to-veil/
and it’s sad reading. Probably a sideeffect from the many girls that put it on without concidering it too much.
smiley Says: 09.12.08 at 5:32 pm
Hi there!
I was searching on the net about the topic of the veil and the women who choose to remove it. I am 26 years old and I have been wearing the veil ever since I was 8.30. I was born and raised in a western country and we didn’t really associate with many muslim women at that time. My mother is a devout muslima and has worn her hijab since the age of nine up to this day.
I still remember how difficult it was for me to choose clothing that would cover me properly although I had a small frame and had not developed yet. I was cast aside from the other children in the playground and got called “paki” short for pakistani all the time although I am not pakistani. You can understand how hard it is for a 9 year old to be bullied for that. I continued wearing it untill the age of 21 (during this time we moved to my home country of Iran). I travelled to turkey and it was there when I first dared to take off my hijab when I was on my own. I am not going to lie it did feel good. This was a short stay and I went back home and carried on wearing it untill I moved to the UK. I was content with wearing it but slowly slowly I began seeing things in a different light. Apart from the fact that I was continuosley stereotyped as an oppressed woman who will soon be forced to marry a brute, I had muslim brothers approaching me with “Asalam u Alaikum” when their only intentions were to flirt!!!
Some English tutors at college were afraid to speak to me when I needed their comments and feedback on my work. I felt that my hijab is a barrier when it comes to communication and eventually I took it off.
Now don’t get me wrong. I pray 5 times a day, I wear decent covering clothing, I do not go to night clubs and still have genuine respect for ladies who wear it as a part of their deen.
But sometimes, when I see how the muhajab ladies are taken for granted, it breaks my heart. Many times have I seen muslim men walking alongside their covered wives yet their eyes roll around eyeing up girls in mini skirts.
Many times have I seen girls in Hijab with tight clothing, looking more sexier than uncovered girls.
Many websites and forums on “how to look sexy in hijab”
and many more
….
smiley Says: 09.12.08 at 5:34 pm
Im sorry if my story did not make any sense but I am so full of disappointment that I just ended it so blank
shirien Says: 12.12.08 at 3:45 am
Smiley,
Assalamu alaikum. May Allah reward you for your honesty.
Dear sister, sometimes it’s more important to focus on the people who are doing things correctly, then the people who transgress the bounds by Allah.
One may say that a Muslim who drinks alcohol is much more generous in terms of giving to the poor, while the Muslim never drank alcohol in his life is miserly.
Sure It may feel good and that person who may drink alcohol may feel free, but the point is to give up certain pleasures so that we can have them in Jannah.
So subhanallah think about it. A woman who covers up her beauty in front of strange men because she sacrificed something for the sake of Allah, In Jannah she will be even more beautiful then the Hur al Ein!
The Muslims who give up drinking alcohol in this life (although there are few benefits to drinking it) will drink it out of rivers in Jannah, without the harmful effects it has in this life.
We give up eating on gold and silver in this life, and in the hereafter our cups will be made of silver to drink from.
The point is, subhanallah, don’t look at those who are influenced by shaytaan and do wrong things deter you from doing something purely for the sake of your creator.
Sure, a person may love the way they do their hair or love the free feeling of not being covered up, but that person is in turn risking a punishment from Allah, when in reality, all the need is to be patient, so they can get the full reward.
May Allah guide us to make the decisions that are most pleasing to Him, ameen.
btk Says: 11.03.09 at 6:22 am
i am thinking of leaving the hijab! i need help! i know full well its wrong, i have been wearing the hijab for 5 months, and i wanted to waer it and i loved it. But for some reasons i have become worse then when i wasn’t waering the hijab. Commiting more sins.im scared i don’t want to go in the wrong path.
and i am not interested in marriage or men right (just been through a divorce) now or to show off my figure so why is it coming in to my head to take the hijab off? i don’t know. i just feel uncomfortable and fake. its been so hard trying to find a job too, before i started weariing the hijab it would be so easy and i never was a revealing dresser. i have never been interested in drinking or smoking or goin to clubs or meeting men. i still try doing my 5 daily prayers and learning more on islam. i just don’t know why i feel suffocated. i know all i can do is pray i am just scared that i am being blind and that i can’t see that allah is helping me?
what can i do?
shirien Says: 11.03.09 at 11:08 am
Dearest sister,
Allah ‘az wa jal has clearly put good in your heart for you to feel conflicted about your internal struggle. And this a test from Allah to you. When you know it is a test, you can easily pass it, inshaAllah.
Sister, we all commit sins. The best of us. Did you know that Umar ibnul Khattab, whom the Prophet of Allah said that if there were a prophet to come after him, it would be Umar. Umar Ibnul Khattab before accepting Islam buried his daughter alive whilst she was wiping the dirt from his beard. A man who was said that before embracing Islam would have died early from drinking alcohol, he become a person that ruled 2/3rds of the world in righteousness. and became one of the 10 who were guaranteed paradise. Allahu Akbar.
Sister, what you do, the sins you commit, should not reflect your decision about hijab. For surely, you are a better person if you sin, and wear the hijab, than if you sin and then dont wear it.
If we all wait until we are satisfied with ourselves to wear the hijab, wallahi no righteous person would wear it. Because we will never be satisfied with ourselves.
You have to see what is the root of your feelings? what is making you feel so hopeless, when you have a Rabb that forgives all sins, even the biggest of them, except for shirk.
We will never feel safe, but just remember, Allah ‘az wa jal says that he will continue forgiving the sins of his slave so long as he asks for forgiveness, even if he does a sin, then repents, then does it again, then repents, and so on.
So long as your repentance is sincere.
The best thing you can do is to pray 2 rakahs, and have a conversation with Allah in your sajdah- in prostration. he already knows everything, he knows what you have done, he knows what you will do, have a conversation with Allah and poor your heart out, and ask for His forgiveness.
The feeling after doing that, will be something that inshaAllah you will feel in your heart. It will feel like your heart has been cleaned.
Just know that hijab is so beautiful. Let it serve as a reminder to us that what is inside should reflect the outside, and perhaps we can let it be sort of a checks and balances for us. but once we let go of those checks and balances, we are in danger of losing our iman.
Wallahu alem.
abdus samad Says: 10.04.09 at 8:33 pm
Assalam alaykum.
I stumbled onto this blog/site from google and I think the article you wrote is good, and true.
I know an english woman who married a Muslim man and converted. She wore the hijab for many years, but recently took it off, divorced her husband, and is partying and so on. She wants to “enjoy” herself. But it’s ashame she’s regressed spiritually and morally. Many people who “enjoy” themselves with parties, drinking, and similar activities, never admit to themselves how lonely and empty such an existence is. It’s not fulfilling.
I’ll stay tuned to your blog. Thanks.
Leyla Says: 16.04.09 at 2:26 am
Pretty late but I guess worth the time, I just wanna say to Alicia, if she is still reading comments in here, that there is no excuse for a sis to do that IN AN ARAB COUNTRY, no excuse whatsoever, Muslims in the West are going through constant pressures and would not give up under silly wordly desires. You guys have no excuse, be it the government wish to anihilate Islam, you have no excuse to leave something so little compared to what Islam is. The blog’s author has the full right to publish whatever she wishes, this is a reality and it touches many people, so Missy “I am too scared” stop flipping over small issues and start thinking straight. That is just pathetic really, come live here, we swap we’ll see. You guys are simply victims, yeah proper victims and you don’t appreciate what has been given to you by Allah sbhanah! Since everything became so random, no wonder… even the adhan for some of you became so random and… annoying. I am Arab too and I am not judging you I am just saying “generally” but yeah I did not like your comment about being socially correct, sorry to sound rude though. salaam
Malika Says: 03.07.09 at 4:04 am
A such hijab (with rabbit ears on it, for kids), is it haram ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_94Oa4WVKNc
Sara Says: 06.09.09 at 9:35 am
Salaams
Dear sister,
Firstly I’d like to thank you for posting up such a thoughful article. This is one problem which most of us face. While starting the hijaab is one big hurdle for most of us, retaining it life-long is an even bigger one.
What I’d like to say is that when we as muslims claim to love Allahsubhan wa-ta’lah more than anything else in this world then I dont think we have a right to have an opinion on this matter, or for that matter, on any other issue on which Allah(swt) has already given HIS opinion. And this feeling, I must add, should not be out of compulsion but because of the very fact that we love HIM more than anyone else and it is HIS happiness which should matter to us rather than that of the society. I truly understand how easy it is to preach and how tough it becomes to implement, especially when we live in a liberal minded society, but there’s this one small technique which I’d like to share with all of you, something which I once came across and which has truly helped me.
As devout muslims, everytime before we do an action(it maybe anything,small or big) we need to question ourselves, “Will this act of mine please my Allah or no?” And depending on that we need to move forward. Since we all love Allah subhan wa-taalah more than anything, I’m sure we would never want to do anything that would upset HIM. this said, we should start working upon making our hereafter better because this world is just a temporary place, more of a preparation place before we face our FINAL task.
May Allah subhan wa tallah make us all worthy of meeting HIM in Paradise. Ameen
ayesha Says: 07.09.09 at 11:37 pm
i just started hijab and its been pretty fun. until at school people start asking you why are you wearing that hting, when are you gonna take it off. no one else wears thaat thing. all those questions make me nervous andi my face starts turing red and i start blowing up. what should i do?
amina Says: 07.09.09 at 11:40 pm
dear sister,
having my period has been rough. im in my first year of high school and started wearing hijab. i didnt really want to wear but my mother and sisters and friends were always like “you should wear it! it will be so wrong if you dont!” and i wore it to school. everything feels so weird and unusual, i feel so lonley and diffrent. so many of my friends have stopped talking to me. what should i do?
ANON Says: 22.09.09 at 7:51 pm
salam, wow i was thinking of removing my hijab after 13/14 years of wearing it but after reading this article, i have changed my mind. Thank you sister for opening my eyes, May Allah Bless you abundantly. Wa salam xx
wdd Says: 13.10.09 at 8:42 am
ameen .. ALLAH bless u
shirien Says: 21.10.09 at 10:58 am
Seems like this topic is the most searched and more replied upon. I’ve gotten several emails regarding this subject. I appreciate all of you trusting me with advice. InshaAllah I intend to expand on this post in part 2 very soon. Barak Allahu feekom.
neefforguidance Says: 05.11.09 at 1:41 am
I live in canada and I have recently been feeling the taking of the hijab syndrome. My reason is not vanity or even attention of people but to steer away the attention of westerners and other people around me. I am a univeristy student and work partime on and off. The hijab here I feel makes people judge me in a heart beat and often never replying to my job applications. I don’t know what to do! I also come from a semi-conservative family and know my parents would be devastaed at my hijab removal but i feel judged and i hate it!
neefforguidance Says: 05.11.09 at 1:42 am
i mean i hate being judged not the hijab!
F Says: 05.11.09 at 4:14 am
Salaam,
I also live in Canada and I see many girls wearing the Hijaab in university, work, high school, etc….Honestly what i noticed is if people had sincere faith in Allah and RESPECT themselves…people will respect you…trust me on that…
Sometimes when we think that “westerners” are judgin us or looking at us differently or when they say somethin that sounds rude… in reality they’re just curious and they dont know how to go about and address it. Do you blame them?
Look at what they are fed by the media on a daily basis…the “us vs. them” mentality…we look odd, we look bizarre…granted…but it is your job to get rid of the misconceptions. Smile, dont look down, be happy, for goodness sakes! i been livin here for over 20 yrs and it’s just our weakness that is preventing us from reaching out to them…
You would be surprised how enlightened and happy they would get if u had a small conversation with them…
IF someone says…”so why do u wear that thing on your head?”…Look at the situation…..sometimes they have nothing better to say….n sometimes they dont even care…they juss wanna talk to you…..so try to figure out what they’re gettin at….and tailor your answer.,…say somethin like…”well…to understand that lemme juss tell u the basics of my faith…etc…” Dont say it’s a “scarf, or it’s a hijaab.” Because quite frankly it doesnt matter to them! They dont care what it is….etc….
I hope my point is clear….and i apologize if my tone sounds aggressive! Dont mean that at all…..
PS: pardon me for my grammatical mistakes…
neefforguidance Says: 05.11.09 at 4:25 am
F i totally agree with you but there is a great element of judgement like you said because of media information. However, sometimes it get really hard having to explain yourself to people.
omax Says: 16.11.09 at 12:59 am
Salam Alekum,………..
I think we should ponder upon the massage of Allah i.e Al-Quran Al Karim. Consider my point as , Hijab is the physical (infrastruture) or practical of the order of Allah SWT and willingness to be modest, poius & righteous is the soul of and the main thing. So we should Ponder the Word of Allah SWT. And Inshaallah He will solve all of our problum provided we show consistency and devotion.
May Allah Bless all Muslims in the world. Remember me in your Dua’s
Wassalam
omax Says: 16.11.09 at 1:00 am
I apologise if i am wrong somewhere
max Says: 18.11.09 at 3:59 am
ive been wearing hijab for 6 years know and im planning to take it off due it wasnt for the rigth intentions and also im not into it i asked my relignn am i going to be not muslim if i took it of she said no u will have it as a sin but still u will be a muslim so im just afraid of the reaction of people family firneds but still im planning to take it off
volley Says: 09.12.09 at 11:00 am
wearing the scarf can make us complete outcasts at times, and it really hurts when people give us mean stares, or when we graduate with a qualified degree sometimes its hard to get a job. But we have to remember this world is temporary, All the hardships that we go through are good deeds for the Hereafter, in addition they help us build our patience. By wearing the scarf and showing others that we are sincere and loving people, we give them the real side of what Islam is about. If we just blend it with the crowd then they will only receive information about us from the media. Stay strong and may God ease your hardships
Alima Says: 12.12.09 at 2:31 am
Salaam ‘alaykum,
@ Max
First pray your well inshaAllah. I just wanted to say, if your taking off your hijaab because you wore it for the wrong intentions, then why not correct your intention now and keep the hijaab on, as it pleasing to Allah and that’s the ONLY reason your wearing it.
Isn’t this better? Also, keeping in mind the hijaab is only in front of non-mahrem guys, so you don’t have to wear it at home or in front of the girls anyway.
Looking at it in a deeper sense, you can see this as a test and passing it as your point B, your step to paradise, it’s in view and it depends if your willing to be patience get that reward from Allah ‘azza wa jal.
And Allah knows Best.
Dwana Heckers Says: 10.03.10 at 6:36 pm
Been researching for web pages for such stuff , thanks
ameena Says: 27.03.10 at 12:00 am
Salam alykium to all. I would like to make a comment regarding this issue. I believe that when people choose to take off there hijab they use 1001 excuses it to tak it off. Yes, it is there choice and they always say that it is between them and Allah. Matter of fact everysingle thing we do is between you and Allah. The attention that will be brought to them will be negative to all the people that believe in Hijab and the people that dont follow it or believe it will always welcoming to them and positive answer to them. We are here as slaves of Allah and that is the only reason that we are here. So,anyone can make what ever excuse they want and say it is no ones buisness and this might be true however,the people that really push you to keep it on or put it on is the people that really love you and fear what Allah says in the Quran. Many people will justify that this is not true by saying we cant judge them.When in reality inside themselves they say that because they dont believe in wearing hijab because they don t wear it. A statement will be given out loud or in secret to themselves about a person that has taken it off. I like to conclude and say… sisters be real to yourselves before you make a decision of putting it on or taken off.Because even if you see it or not you are not respecting ALLAH……..And in the day of judgement your excues will be heard however you will still be punished because we disobeyed.
salam alykium
Ehtisham Says: 04.05.10 at 9:39 pm
Asalamolaikum warahmatullah
just wanted to say something to the sisters.
You see more and more women now want to take hijab off because they cant get
married or they think that no guy will marry them because they wear the hijab.
Well my question to those women is that
What kind of a guy are you looking for anyway.
Humdulilah i am a practicing muslim and I want to marry a Hijabi that wears
the hijab properly, not with half of her hair sticking out or her face coverd
with layers of makeup. I want to marry a women that is modest. A women who hasnt had a boyfreind before.
But if i want that then i have to do the same. I will never have a girl freind because i dont want the women who i marry
to have a boy freind.
The women i want to marry should have a hijab on and it should be her choice. Hijab is symbolic for a practicing muslimah. its obvious what a women really is from her actions and how she dresses. I am not a guy who would marry a hijabi and then look at women who wears a short skirt in the street. Allah (swt) has instructed me to lower my gaze and that inshallah i will do for the rest of my life.
so whats the point?
am i advertising my self
no my point is that a religous muslim would only want to marry a hijabi that is practicing
and i am not even religious, i am a normal muslim and i want to marry a hijabi so imagine
what type of women religious men would like to marry.
but if you decide to take your hijab off people who are religious and pray to allah would not look at you
The only people that you will be able to attract and marry will be guys
who have had previous relations
or that flirt with women and do not follow the Quran and sunnah
What does a normal everyday guy want?
Beautiful body and face
Would that relationship last forever?
No
Would everyday guy marry Hijabi?
No. Why? because its old and only women from the 7th century would wear it.
well thats what they think!!!
btw everyday guy doesnt mean a average looking person it means everyperson that is anything but religious
You have to realise the guys that would be attracted to you without your hijab are not meant for you
There are many men who are willing only to marry a hijabi women
You know why?
because a Hijabi is a muslim that goes through alot of tests in her life
She gets stares and frowns from the public speacially western people. But thats exactly what makes
Hijabis so special.
There amazing ability of patience and keeping themselves pure
and religious.
What differentiates a hijabi from a normal girl?
A hijabi knows how to respect her self as well as others. She doesnt waste her beauty by showing of her
body but she covers herself up and obeys Allah
What did the Rasul salalahualihiwasalam say you should get married to?(to men)
The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
“A man marries a woman for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper”.
( Marriage quotation from Bukhari and Muslim)
And ever since i saw this hadith ive only wanted to marry a hijabi
Are only the women who wear hijab religious? cant you not wear hijab and still be religious?
In my opinion
No
Why?
Look at men, the religous ones have beard ryt
but hold on a second
The Quran says follow the messenger but it doesnt say anything about having a beard
even after 911 men who take religion seriously and sincerely still keep there beards
so my question to those women who say quran has only two or three verses about hijab is
that you have obligation from Allah to wear the Hijab through Quran the most authentic book
yet you say you can be religious and not wear the hijab even though it is prescribed for you?
The men keep a beard and it doesnt make us look attractvie and its not even obligatory
its Wajib. Yet there are many men with beards. Infact i have a beard and i am gonna keep it.
Allah is most just and if you pray to Allah you shall get a partner
that is religous and loves you for your hijab and your modesty and you personality and not you body and face
asalamolaikum
Btw Ehtisham in Arabic means `cover up` or modesty