Writing for Kids Isn’t Easy – Picture Book Fail.
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A few days ago, I contacted a publisher to see if they would be interested in publishing a few books with me geared toward trying to create cultural-religious understanding at an early age.
The publisher expressed some interest in my ideas and said they are willing to work with me – but they wanted to see a summary of a story the next day.
I spend a good few hours writing my kids’ book and alhamdulillah, it came out quite cute. It’s a story about a girl named Aliyah and her first time fasting Ramadan- with illustrations it will be a perfect picture book for your elementary school child, inshaAllah.
I got to thinking ,and decided it would be really nice if we could also couple our kids’ show DVD with a nice book about “Abdullah” as well.
I found a great Muslim illustrator who will work within the guidelines of drawing, now all I needed was a story “Abdullah” would go through and I was set to write. He drew the picture that goes along with the post, and a few modifications to the beard, erase the ears and maybe the shape of the head – and we’ve got ourselves a “Abdullah” cartoon!
My husband suggested that I write the book about cheating — kids go through this at school all the time. So I agreed and started writing. After I had finished, I realize that a picture book that had to do with cheating may not be ideal. Afterall, who reads picture books? Three to seven-year-olds? They typically don’t have to deal with cheating at those ages.
And why teach them a bad concept they may not be aware of yet? Fail Shirien, Fail. Not to mention I used a stereotype in my story lol.
I spent a lot of time with it, so as to not go to waste, I’m posting the words to my would-be-book here, so that maybe your older kids might find amusement and lesson in it. Enjoy!
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Abdullah’s Test Isn’t His Best
*****************************
It’s Abdullah’s first day of school
Prepare the books and colors too
–
“Hello there Abdullah”, his teacher said
Her name’s Mrs. Janet – dressed in red
-
History, Science and English too
But math was his favorite – the time just flew
–
The kids had so much fun as weeks went by
But now it was test time- Abdullah, don’t cry
–
“I’m no good at English!” Abdullah said aloud
“Just do your best” The teacher said proud
–
“If I make a bad grade, my mother might fuss”
“Maybe I should cheat,” he thought on the bus
–
Ali is smart but so is john
I’ll stick to the smartest – that kid from Taiwan
–
Exam day was here and he feels kind of nervous
After all, this test was Ginormous
–
I’ll look on his paper when she turns away
A, B, C, D the answers were displayed
–
“Time’s almost out,” the teacher explained
“Give us ten more minutes,” the students exclaimed
–
The test was over –” I hope I passed”
“Abdullah and Tim, can you stay after class?”
–
“I want to know what’s going on”
“Your answers are the same – and most are wrong”
–
“I swear I didn’t cheat! Tim said quite sad”
“I just couldn’t study, my tummy hurt bad”
–
“Abdullah, I expected more from you”
“I’m calling your mommy and daddy too”
–
“I’m in trouble now, ” Abdullah said worried
Time to go home and face the fury
–
“Abdullah, you have never done something so bad
We’re willing to forgive and not be so mad”
–
“I’m not good at English!” Abdullah exclaimed
“No one is perfect!” his mother explained
–
“Muslims are honest and we try our best”
“It is much better to do so-so than to cheat on a test”
–
The next day at school Mrs. Janet called him aside
“Abdullah, I’m willing to give you one more try”
–
“I really feel bad, I won’t let you down
I’ll study and study, even my nouns”
–
Two days went by and now it was time
Abdullah was confident he’d do just fine
–
He put all his studying into a rhyme
Nouns, verb, adjectives were now all defined
–
Nouns were persons, places or things
While verbs were actions like kids who would swing
–
The exam was over at a quarter past three
“Abdullah, Congrats! You got a B”
wow Says: 31.03.10 at 7:33 am
ummm… really? all that for a B?
BTW.. honesty is not distinctively a Muslim trait, haven’t you ever watched secular cartoon?
You get an F
shirien Says: 31.03.10 at 7:40 am
@Wow,
Thanks for the comment. Obviously this book is geared toward the Muslim niche. I purposely didn’t give “Abdullah” and “A” to prove a point. It’s better to do your best and fall short, than do something that is against our religion and values.
BTW, Is rudeness a secular trait as well?
Nahyan Says: 31.03.10 at 8:18 am
Very nice mashaAllah.
I read the email and thought “wooo Belal’s really made a turn this time…but then ended up on EgyptianGumbo.com” – made more sense
Rhymes are always fun and that’s a good way to learn near the end (about verb and nouns). I was hoping it continued with adjectives, adverbs etc….I’m quite serious, I still have a hard time with that
@Picture – that’s a weird lookin kid with an early beard
Zainab Says: 31.03.10 at 8:24 am
I think its brilliant
… and Abdullah looks so much more cultured now 
haha…
I love the rhymes!! Have you thought of other topics that would interest kids?
As for WOW. Hater. Subhanallah. It’s obvious you’re putting a lot of effort into this (and everything else you do)… May Allah bless you and help you succeed
HK Says: 31.03.10 at 8:39 am
i love it, mashaAllah! the Taiwan part has to go though
Rizak Says: 31.03.10 at 8:44 am
MashaAllah, maybe they don’t deal with cheating at that age but it’s a basic value they will learn before it’s too late… maybe?
Either way it’s a step forward, hope to see the picture book soon!
Angie Says: 31.03.10 at 9:16 am
Alrighty then. Now I’m known to be a harsh critic… but I loved it. You sound like a muslim Dr. Seuss. =O) …the only thing that needs to be corrected is… he goes home to face the fury, not furry, as in cat. =O)
ok Says: 31.03.10 at 10:01 am
why does he have a goatee but no hair?… the beard looks more like a shape up, the kind that all the cool kids get to impress the opposite sex. if it can’t be sunnah style, why have hair at all? kinda strange looking to tell you the truth
ok Says: 31.03.10 at 10:13 am
oh yeh, his nose is missing
shirien Says: 31.03.10 at 10:15 am
@nahyan, belal and I are thinking of making it a comic-book style video to put online, instead of publishing it as a book for the reasons mentioned above. Also, comic books I believe appeal to the slightly older kids which would be the age-group that this content would be more appropriate for. The Rhyme for Adjectives and Adverbs was hard lol but for future reference, Adverbs usually end in L-Y
@Zainab, ameeen. Jazaki Allahu khairan katheeran! I thought maybe about “Abdullah Prays at School. or Fatima wears Hijab” People have suggested I write about “Abdullah cant eat pork” lol and other things. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them! I wrote about “Aliyah’s First Ramadan” which inshaAllah will be the first book I publish.
@HK, lol the stereotype was later dismissed when the Taiwanese kid did bad on his test, hahaha
@Rizak, i guess it’s better safer than sorry at this age. you dont want kindergartners to cheat on their colors
@angie, lol he was going to face Cutie, who was also mad he cheated
nonetheless, it has been changed 
thanks for catching that!
@OK, I agree, I havent sent him the details of what we want changed on the picture. But he definitely needs a bigger bushier beard like we have on the puppet itself. Maybe a little hair too lol
Jawaad Ahmad Khan Says: 31.03.10 at 11:19 am
@OK
I think the point of the drawing is so that it DOESN’T resemble a real person…it’s a fictional cartoon that really isn’t supposed to make sense…
As far as the story goes, great style, questionable topic. I think you should stick with something more geared towards small kids issues. (Not that cheating isn’t important to teach, but it may do more harm than good in that audience)..
Ukhtukum fillah Says: 31.03.10 at 11:33 am
mashalllah!!
awesome work sis!! i give you an A- (better than abdullah’s grade haha- u lose a few points for grammatical errors 
)
Here are a few suggested modifications- feel free to accept/reject as you see fit inshallah
———-
“Abdullah, I expected more from you”
expected *better* from u
———
Time to go home and face the furry
*fury*
———
“It is much better to do so-so than to cheat on a test”
one so would suffice me thinks
———
but really, overall the story rhyme is EXCELLENT sis. this is definitely a book id purchase as a gift for family kids.
mashallah your skills are beginning to shine, may Allah swt put His barakah in your work. keep it up and keep abdallah going!!! :thumbsup:
aish Says: 31.03.10 at 11:57 am
Masha Allaah my children love the Abdullaah video, they have watched it over and over again, please keep Abdullaah simple and do not change his unique appearance, there are countless “cute” puppets and cartoons around most of them are very forgettable, but Abdullaah really stands out. The cartoon above does not have the “Abdullaah the puppet ” look, too “cute” . My children have watched most of the cartoons aimed at muslim children and unfortunately have not been very interested in them, the first viewing is often the only time they will watch them, but my youngest is nagging all the time to watch “Abdullaah the servant of Allaah”, he thinks it is wonderful. Very strange………………The kitty song is driving me crazy though. My apologies to Cutie the kitty for my anti cute remarks.
Please keep up the effort and when is the next episode and DVD going to be ready. May Allaah reward you for your efforts to educate as well as amuse our children in a halal manner.
aish Says: 31.03.10 at 12:11 pm
I forgot to add that my suggestion for drawing Abdullaah would be to draw him exactly as he is. The children know he is a puppet so he should not be depicted as a “cutsie” little boy type with a beard. Draw him stitches and all with his scruffy beard and homey cloth appearance as this is a large part of his appeal. Maybe you could also make Abdullaah puppets or dolls to sell as well as books and videos. A teaching children to pray book/episode would be nice. May Allah reward you in your efforts to keep Abdullaah on the path of Qur’an and sunnah and music and beat box free.
andy Says: 01.04.10 at 11:20 am
Meh! not that good.
shirien Says: 01.04.10 at 12:37 pm
@ukhtukumfillah lol barak Allahu feeki, this one isnt really going to be a book, maybe a comic lol if we ever get to that stage i’ll definitely use your suggestions
maybe i can have you look over the one I sent over to my illustrator to draw for publication?
@Aish awwwwwwwwww your comment made me really happy! I want to just hug your kids lol so cute mashaAllah. (oh yeah and cutie was not offended, dont worry
)
After your comment Belal and I are really considering keeping him all patched up for the plush toys as well, it is very brandable- the poorly made, entertaining puppet…If inshaAllah the DVD is successful we will inshaAllah come out with little Abdullah dolls inshaAllah.
shirien Says: 01.04.10 at 12:38 pm
@andy, you say it wasnt THATgood, meaning it was somewhat good – i’ll take it as a compliment
Thank you very much.
Always stay positive people, always
ukhtukumfillah Says: 01.04.10 at 12:51 pm
sure sis! id love to have a look at it
Reema Says: 02.04.10 at 3:38 pm
Salams!
I think it’s great that you started something unique… I also wanted to publish an Islamic children’s book but I haven’t finished it yet. Anyhow, I have a daughter, 2 years old, who’s really into picture books and cartoons and after seeing the above picture of Abdullah I got to say, it looks better than the actual puppet!
I think it would be AWESOME if you could make it into an Islamic cartoon with the same kind of colors like some of the other PBS cartoons, such as curious george perhaps… It’s just an idea… my daughter didn’t really like the puppet much other than the opening theme song.. (that was great btw since it had no music) I think she would like it more if it was a cartoon. I really want her to watch more Islamic cartoons but the ones we have are pretty lame and outdated… You can have all sorts of morals and lessons and Inshallah it would be more popular than the puppet since nowadays puppets in general aren’t very popular.
It’s just a thought…
I liked the story line btw
Great work!
akhan Says: 13.04.10 at 7:46 am
Asalamu Alaikum,
Nice poem, mashAllah!
I think its a good idea to make a children’s book on cheating. I remember that some kids started cheating in 4th grade, but even if cheating isn’t a major issue for your target audience, its still good to get the message thru to kids before they encounter the temptation.
P.S. please make cartoon Abdullah’s beard more like puppet Abdullah’s
Maryam Says: 21.04.10 at 9:05 am
LOL. MashaAllah, the line “I’ll stick to the smartest – that kid from Taiwan” made me laugh so hard.
Rizwan Says: 08.06.10 at 8:13 pm
Mash’Allah, this was good! A great idea, and a good start.
But you’re right, cheating isn’t very relevant for very young kids, but since Abdullah/Aliyah are about 7-8 years old (right?) how about their very first attempts in learning how to pray: the importance of it, what the movements are, what is said in salah, and how they follow their parents while they pray (kids love praying next to adults and mimicking them, as we know).
So perhaps Abdullah’s ‘journey’ into praying 5 times a day- step by step. Each part of salah could be a different step, it would be very, very beneficial and young kids would feel the desire to pray too.
I’ve actually been doing this w/ my young Sunday School students and it works great. Break it up into parts, and go over what we say and why and making it fun. I always end up learning something too, and kids thoughts/stories about praying are always funny.
Again, I think it would be cool and appropriate for the target age group. I’d love to help w/ ideas too if you wish.
So, give it a shot!
Kiran Says: 13.06.10 at 6:47 pm
Awww… bless that was lovely!! LOL I wish I get at least As in mine or a B will be just finnneee… keep the good work up!! — Abdullah learnt his lesson huh?
Kiran Says: 13.06.10 at 8:16 pm
You know what? my younger bros and siss do the exact same thing and I try to tell them that this very same thing will happen — don’t underestimate yourself…
zainab!!!! :D Says: 24.06.10 at 4:44 am
that was pretty good story. and the rhyming thing too. you could start a series type thing, with different topics like these.
Marketing Methods Discussed: Abdullah Puppet First Six Steps -- Leechon Films Says: 07.07.10 at 5:23 pm
[...] Her first attempt was entertaining – read about it here: http://egyptiangumbo.com/writing-for-kids-isnt-easy-picture-book-fail-555.htm [...]
Umm Carter Says: 29.07.11 at 12:05 pm
mashallah cute. My son would enjoy the story. Honesty is a good theme too. We are “learning” a couple times a day currently about honesty, lol, at our house. Go put your laundry in the shoot……..a few min later…..Did you put your landry away? Yes (his face says GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY) ><